Thursday, January 31, 2008

Steakburger, Fries with a Side of Snow Day

I was in the office doing what you do in an office when our only office wise guy walks in says to me "get a new job at Steak-n-Shake." Ha-ha. I was simply wearing black low ride wide leg trousers and a white puffy three-quarter length sleeve button up shirt--for that I get a comment that I look like a Steak-n-Shake employee. All this coming from a guy who has been wearing the same shirt for four years. Then my little brother walks in the office and says "sister you working at Steak-n-Shake now"...turns out he is now a causality of being employed in the same building. Then I walk out in the hall when another male co-worker arrives and he looks at me and says, "I'll take a steakburger and a side of fries". These guys think they are funny. Later in the day I was in the cafeteria doing my lunch duty, three guys from the shop poke there heads out and holler "we would like steakburgers and strawberry shakes". I could smell brother written all over that one! I swear I am going to wear that same outfit to work in a few weeks but accessorize it with a genuine Steak-n-Shake hat. If I didn't start work before Steak-n-Shake opened I would stop and buy the sassy boys all shakes.

The snow has been falling nearly all day. You forget quickly how exciting snow falling during a school day is till you start working in an elementary school--I was pleasantly refreshed. I also learned a few new tricks to guarantee a snow day tomorrow. So excuse me while I end here to put on my PJ's inside out and backwards, put an orange in the freezer, place a spoon under my pillow and lastly, flush an ice cube down the toilet at 6pm. Don't ask me what all this silliness symbolizes or the meanings behind it all...just know I going with it! Feel free to join me.

Princess A just burst in the kitchen, opened the freezer, grabbed an ice cube (all in haste) and said "quick it is six o'clock I need to flush a cube." Then D follows suit, grabs a cube and runs to her bathroom. I can hear toilets flushing with ice cubes clanking as they spiral down the drains.

Come on snow day!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


It seems my blog has fallen into the hands of a fellow co-worker. Not an office worker but an educator. Oddly enough she doesn't know I know that she has been entertaining herself with all my silly anecdotes. You have no idea now the pressure I feel to eliminate all grammatical, punctuation, spelling, moment in writing where I ramble adding or omitting a needless word--basically all mistakes that a red pen could strike. I feel like one day I will walk in the mail room and one of my blog entries will be in my box with a request for corrections to be made and the grade to be given when I re-post the edited copy.

Let's step back to yesterday. It was the most gorgeous January day, 73*. Then suddenly the cold front moved in and the temperature dropped 50* in a matter of hours. I believe I was prancing around in a bikini at recess duty at noon (okay that is an exaggeration because I wouldn't want to make others jealous, or scare them. You pick which it is) and leaving the building wearing a parka with my head wrapped in a babushka. This morning it is 12*. This winter weather is going crazy! Global warming. the pressure of wearing the correct coat and proper shoes. Aaaaaahhhhhh!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Make Me Laugh

I don't know about you but laughing is totally invigorating.

Here are a few of the things that made me laugh today...

King Ralph returning from the doctor asks me to scratch his back while he tells me all the medications they prescribed to him then says "and the doctor said you need to do that more." "More what" I said "scratching on your back?" His reply of yes just didn't soak in much as a doctor's order. Try again King Ralph! In the King's next life he is coming back as a dog. This way he can roll over with his legs in the air while his fool owner scratches his belly. I am just plain tired of the constant need of his to be scratched. Twenty-one years of back scratching is time served well--isn't it?

Just now my new cell phone (which to date is proving to be a better relationship between myself and the phone than the &^%%$#* pink razor cell phone was) rang, it was a call from Princess A. M made me unique ring tones for each of the family members. When Princess A calls you can hear M's voice saying "princess-princess-princess-princess-princess." Oh brother. If it isn't bad enough that she thinks she is a princess, now the world gets to hear it every time she calls.

Now I am going to watch Mr. Woodcock and see if I can laugh a little more tonight.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Another Hump Day Entry

Fear not I am still around. It's only been a week. I was thinking where have I been that I have neglected my blog. Here are some of the reasons I came up with:

A. Recovering from last Friday's finale performance of South Pacific...what will probably go down in [my] history as the most painful middle school experience. Then again my friend's husband told me at intermission it was suggested to him by another dad to drink before attending. Or was it my brother's comment "that is three hours of my life I will never get back" that affirmed the pain that only I thought I was feeling. All kidding aside the kids did a nice job with a not-so-great musical choice.

B. Drowning in laundry. I have begun to think there is something positive in being a nudist--little laundry, fewer laods. (I'm not sure the family will go for the idea)

C. Cleaning up after last Saturday's game night. We feasted. We toasted. We gamed. Fun-fun-fun. However, we will have to draw straws from now on for who gets "Optic Man" on their team. A man with a magnifying glass to read the Catch Phrase clues slows the whole process of winning down.

D. Maybe I should just go with the fact that it is pretty darn cold this week...that it is easier to toss on my flannel PJ's, turn on the fire place, and snuggle under a comforter, while watching mindless reality shows like; Scott Baio 46 and Pregnant & My Fair Brady...Maybe Baby?, than to write.

I think I will go with, the answer is D.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Hump Day (I'm talking middle of the week, you sick minds)

I am having one of those days when I would like to have diarrhea mouth by letting what is eating at my craw just spew out...but I know that really serves no purpose.

Instead I called from the driveway, as I arrived home early from work, to summons D outside with that Project Graduation Ice Cream Day fundraiser flyer. In this case, not chocolate but, ice cream from Baskin Robbins calms the spirit--while donating to a good cause.

Then I came home and tossed pot roast on the stove. I can smell the fresh thyme and rosemary infusing the beef. Comfort food. Today is a day for comfort foods.

Then I finished making college visit reservations so the Princess can make her final higher education choice. I vote for the college that has offered the most scholarship monies. Of course she votes for the one that would have us selling the family home and cars...having us live in a mobile home (single wide not double) and riding the bi-state bus.

Last night had a moment when I regretted whacking all my hair off. Thankfully this morning I woke up realizing my Katie Holmes inspired hair was really good. Now I have to refute the teacher who commented to me today, "your hair is so cute you are like a super model". SUPER MODEL? I think not! Not only would I need to grow another 7 inches to even be allowed to stare at the cat walk but the crater wrinkle between my brow that is screaming for a collegian injection would toss me from the cover of AARP so fast...well you know what I mean.

Tonight I am going to get my watch fixed so I can sit around watching the time till the snow begins to fall. I am also going to get a new cell phone. You have no idea how long I have been marking the calendar days till I can dispose of this miserable pink-razor-I-never-work-phone. I just might, in celebration, place the devil under my car tire and run over it.

That my friends is my Wednesday in a nut shell.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Not Hip? Who Says?

Last night King Ralph, M and I went to the RV Show at the America's Center. Since some fool who lacked in judgement decided he wanted to cross the highway on foot (at rush hour), which resulted in death, the highway was shut down--detour route necessary.

Our detour took us down Washington Ave., St. Louis's loft district-- the area King Ralph and I dream to one day live. We already shook on it that if two of the three girls move out of state we promised each other to sell the house and live in a loft. So as we drove through the loft district, which was brimming with Friday night life, M says "this area is really hip". I said to her "this is were Mom and Dad want to live one day. How would feel about your older parents strolling down the streets mixed in with all these younger people?" Then M with her usual wit says "well you better get your hip replacements early"

Just when I thought my freshly chopped hair ala Victoria Beckham/Katie Holmes added a hip edge to me, my own flesh and blood slams me to the ground. Teenagers.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

South Pacific

Tonight was round one for Demi as the Professor in the middle school musical, South Pacific.

Due to the lack of award shows on TV due to the current writers strike I am awarding, here at Keeper of the House... Best Actress to Miss Cory for her portrayal of Bloody Mary... Best Supporting Actress goes to Miss Jessica for her portrayal of Luther Biliss... Medal of Courage is awarded to every young man in the play who dared to, try to sing in the midst of a developing Adams Apple. (In the words of Princess A, "be nice", I will not fully express the pain I felt each time the young men attempted tune.)

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Mardi Gras On Hold

I have no idea what in MO's mind would cause this state to schedule the Primary Elections on Fat Tuesday? Except maybe to lend hand to cause and reason to drink, over eat and celebrate (for some) all at the same time.

I got D's confirmation newsletter today alerting that the confirmation class's annual Fat Tuesday or as we Lutherans refer to it as, Shrove Tuesday, Pancake Supper is being canceled. Canceled because the election commission basically owns the church’s fellowship hall on Fat Tuesday. Isn’t there some sort of law about separation of church and state—if it interferes with Fat Tuesday?

So just to air my political standing I am going to divulge now...not who I plan to cast my vote for but just the party I wish to stand with—for now:

Monday, January 07, 2008

The Wilds of the Playground

In order to protect the identity of the student I will refer to her as Miss X

Today while I was performing my lunch recess duty Miss X decided we should bond through conversation. Here is how our conversation went...

Miss X: Do you have any boys at your house?

Me: No. I have three girls.

Miss X: What are there names?

Me: Alee, that's her name not a nickname, who is a senior. Madison, who we call Maddi, is a freshman and Demi who is in seventh grade.

Miss X: Demi, that is a unique name.

Me: Demi is named for a movie star,Demi Moore.

Miss X: I like the name Alicia. I think that is pretty.

Me: yes it is

Enters Miss X's friend to the conversation

Friend: I like the name Brittany

Me: Oh no I do not care much for that name, it makes me think Brittany Spears and then...well then I get sick to my stomach.

Miss X: Did you know Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant and she's sixteen.

Me: Yes I did know. Not a good choice she made.

Miss X: How do you get pregnant?

Conversation had a slight sound of a car wreck

Me: I think that is a conversation that you should have with your mom.

Miss X: Really how do you get pregnant?

Me: Really honey I think you should ask your mom.

Miss X: Why won't you tell me?

Friend: They aren't allowed to tell us things like that at school.

Miss X: Mrs. Avery you have three of them (meaning kids) so you know how it happens.

And I was officially left speechless.

If the month of October with the third graders begging me to tell the truth if Santa is real, it continued into November and December. But I never dreamed in a million years that January would be the month I would be summoned to teach Sex Ed under the monkey bars. I may need to go back and read the fine print in my employment contract...wondering what February has in store.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

A Doghter's Resolution

I have firm belief that resolutions is just a pathway for disappointment. To safe guard myself from self-inflicted failure and disappointment I do not make resolutions. Instead I take the year as it rolls, bouncing along and taking the punches, fighting back when necessary...sometimes choosing to just rollover and play dead.

This year however, Uli decided she needed to make a never let her human sister style her hair like this ever-ever-again!

It's a toss up between a Gremlin look or Don King.