Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloweenie 2007

Just a few prenotes to my day...I took "Princess A's" car to get inspected this morning so I drove it to work... only to return to it after work as a totally dead vehicle, no power. Thankfully King Ralph was on duty as Sgt. Sausage-Fingers so, he saved the day. When I pulled in the driveway I noticed Princess A and M transformed the yard into a grave yard. Nothing like decorating the house at the eleventh hour. They did good!

Halloween is becoming almost predictable--everyone is finding somewhere other than home to go to get there supply of tricks and treats. I have however stepped up in the company department, last year it was me and the dog...this year I have Alee. Although she is more consumed with reading "Fast Food Nation" than caring about the cool pencils I am giving out to the little ghouls who ring my bell. Okay-okay, I don't want to hear about my pencils or how I am the Mr. Feeny of the neighborhood (as my girls are referring to me). I am also giving out, your choice of a Vess orange or lemon-lime soda. Which as treats go, has given me a high coolness factor with the few kids who came to my door (twenty to be exact). Which if I may ask-- what happened to kids saying "trick-or-treat" when you open the door? They just stand there sticking there candy bag in your face like I owe them something. It just isn't like it use to be.

Enough about kids, let's talk about my re-entry into the fun world of Halloween. I looked fabulous in Pastor Tom's black robe transformed into Professor Snape's robe. The black hair gel worked marginally but did the trick. The kids at my lunch shift actually could guess who I was. The office looked it looked FANTASTIC! My contribution would be the bricks on the front door, or as we called it "9 3/4 Hogwarts Express". Parents were very impressed with how we tricked the place out. I will leave you now with a score of photos of the Hogwart haven and my Halloween day.

(My lunchroom team...Mr. Hayes is Scabbers the magical rat)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

On the Eve of Halloween

The sudden pressure of Halloween that work has placed upon me. The office theme is Harry Potter. When I left the office this afternoon-- in a haste to gather a group of confirmation kids to cook dinner at the Ronald McDonald House, the office was being transformed into a Hogwarts haven.

I burst through the door of the church office where I saw the group of waiting kids and parents and yelled out "who has a black robe I can borrow". You see I have been on the panic hunt for a black robe for my Harry Potter character costume, I am going to be Professor Snape. And what do you know...God is good...because Pastor Tom offered me his black robe. Said he needed it back by Good Friday.

Now I just hope I am not mistaken as Father Sarducci without the mustache (by staff old enough to remember who that SNL character was).

I have black hair gel to really get the full Professor Snape look. If by chance it stains my hair permanently I will proclaim myself an emerging Gothic queen.

Until tomorrow...when all the goulish fun begins.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Oh my blog I do love you, but I have been busy keeping

Dear Blog

I believe you are feeling neglected, as though I do not care, but I do. My devotion, or lack there of is not deliberate. I think about you everyday-- somehow things just seem to be taking priority.

Like...Last Tuesday I organized the Diaperpalooza Baby Shower for two of the band directors who are going to be first time dads. They were totally surprised to not only see there wives in the band room but, there wives each surrounded by 2700 diapers and 3100 wet wipes (or least that is what one of the directors and his wife counted was the haul).

Wednesday I nursed my sick child, battled rush hour traffic to get to the doctor before I was due in the office. Then, I spent the evening in the church office printing off the monthly newsletter; biting my tongue so to refrain from wanting to say ugly things to the Rizo machine and the paper folder as it jammed. The picture of an almost laughing Jesus in the work room made me feel he was enjoying the comedy in it all.

Thursday was a great day and a bad day. Great day because D turned thirteen. We are a house of all teenage girls, YIKES! D's friends kidnapped her in the morning and dressed her up like this...
D looking like that lead to the bad in my day. D's friends, in all there excitement left the front door open and Uli escaped. I ran through the neighborhood for a mile (that is no exaggeration) in circles for 30 minutes in my PJ's and flip flops screaming profane things at the black devil till I caught her. I know for a fact she is alive only by the grace of God--it would have been a toss up on who could have taken her life, the car or me. The police car parked at the top of street was probably called to control the crazy lady--me. I guess it was Uli's way of saying hey how 'bout me, celebrate me living as a part of the family for a year now. I think I wanted to forget my moment of weakness when I agreed to getting the black devil for D's 12th birthday.

Friday was Senior Night. Only for the love of a child-- who has been in the marching band for four years-- would parents stand in the pouring rain to hear there child's name and future education plans announced to a dwindling stadium of fans...thanks family next to us for the loan of an umbrella--well King Ralph can't thank'em the umbrella was built for two, not three.

Saturday was another busy day. D and I logged some service hours at the church Pig Roast. We both could have done without seeing an elderly gentleman enjoying (way to much) gnawing with delight on the roasted pig snout. Then it was home to do a color guard hairdo for M and out the door to prepare lunch, or was it dinner...we'll call it linner for the marching band before the final competition of the marching season. Then back home to gather a spouse and a child and off to the dome we see this, the marching band perform there field show "The Flight" a tribute to the 80th anniversary of Charles Lindbergh flight across the Atlantic.

(Princess A is on the 5 of the 50 yard line and M is running with the giant windsock on the 30 yard line)

The bitter sweetness is if Princess A doesn't decide to do college marching band that was her final performance on the field. As great as the band was this night, as sick as M was she pulled off her best performance--they couldn't reclaim that first place spot, they left with the second place trophy. Regardless we were proud!

Sunday...well, they're made for doing laundry. A lot of laundry.

Friday, October 19, 2007

I Heard Someone in the Mail Room Today Say, It's Time to Start a Fire

I heard someone in the mail room today say "it's time to start a fire this evening". I believe a typical sentiment for when school pictures are handed out. Although most of the children looked adorable there is something about an adult's school picture that leaves much to be desired.

It has been so long since I had a school picture. Today I burst into the house after work, in the same fashion as my girls and announced to all..."I got my school pictures today". To which one unnamed child said "oh gee mom, please, let me see". I even offered a wallet exchange--no takers, as of yet.

The last time I had a school picture I looked like this...

Let me be the first to say thank God that was in black and white sparing all from the sight of my frosty eye shadow, but still visible is the quintessential 80's strand of pearls required for all Senior photos.

Then there is this...

Mrs. Avery, Building Assistant

You may print it off and throw darts if you wish. Maybe draw horns on my head. Maybe a handle bar mustache. Do whatever your inner artist commands.

My Dirty Little Secret

The only way I could post my secret on Frank Warren's blog would be with a photo, which I never could. Never Will. We all have to preserve our reputations in some way...mine is never to open the door to divulge my crisis zone, the causality otherwise known as--the laundry room.

This week the front yards of my neighbors and myself resembles a panicked search for Jimmy Hoffa's body. We have multiple man holes dug up in our yards; the gas company is replacing gas lines. After each dig there is a conference between three employees...then it seems they all disappear, only a piece of plywood remains to trap whatever, or whoever may be lurking in that big hole(s). Although yesterday the positioning of one-man hole gave question to if one of them was trying to take off with my new mailbox.

So imagine this, my man eating pile of laundry on the ground, the racks of clean clothes hanging from rods (that require special talent to weave through and past) to access the back area (which is a mess of old toys and sewing notions) comes a ring at the door from a gas company employee--who wants to access my laundry room to light pilots on my water heater and furnace. YIKES! I was about to plummet into the depths of being mortally humiliated, I was! Princess A and M screeched, "he's going into the laundry room", to which I whispered back dial 911 if we don't return. But, before we reached the vault of sure death I had to race forward to slide the newly heaped pile of smelly laundry from the base of the steps. Then I warned him. He promised me as a gasman he has seen much much worse. I promised him he has not. The entire time I was thinking why did King Ralph have to go fishing this week; if he was home he could have lit all the pilots. I told the gas man I knew what his dinner table conversation was going to be...I could hear it in my head...Oh my gosh you should have seen this ladies laundry room, he assured he would not, I told him he was a liar. We both laughed. Once the pilots were lit and we nearly escaped the man eating pile of dirty laundry I made Mr. Gas Man raise his right hand place it on the bottle of liquid All and promise never to divulge my dirty little secret or, raising the box in my right hand I said or I'll have to Bounce you.

When I escorted him out the front door his co-workers hollered out "don't believe a thing he says" to which I screamed back "don't believe a thing he says."

I think I am in need of a laundry intervention. HELPPPPPP! My name is Keeper and I am a.......

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Must Watch Wednesday

This is totally one of my favorite TV shows. It is so whimsical...has a bit of a Big Fish and Series of Unfortunate Events feeling.

The best part about Pushing Daisies is that it brings us all together to enjoy TV as a family. A rarity theses days.

Thursday, October 04, 2007


Let me just say I love working. I love it because when contemplation is the mode it clears my mind and lets my thoughts melt away. I feel refreshed and renewed as if I never had a concern. Hmmmmm...I guess work is like yoga.

King Ralph brought home three giant Merb's candy apples--coated in thick caramel, rolled in rich toasted pecans. Breakfast of champions I say. Candied apples are a sign that Fall is indeed the season even though my sister in law's spousal equivalent invited us to swim in the pool this weekend. Don't you agree that the mere fact that a STL pool is still "open for business", that the temperature warrants, has a certain oddity? Proof that global warming exists.

Tomorrow, being off work and the girls off school, we will resume the remodeling of the Jack-n-Jill bath-- as a family. My brother laughed at me yesterday when I said "the girls bathroom gut is hard...being down a whole bath". He laughed reminding me we still have two fully functioning bathrooms. Who in there right mind wants to go down a flight of steps to potty? Not a single person who lives here in this house. As if getting the toilet paper replaced wasn't fight enough, now it's dog eat dog for a spot on the pot.

I feel great today. There's something about eight hours of sleep, a caramel apple and a diet coke for breakfast that makes life seem absolutely-totally-unequivocally perfect!

To that I say good day!