Friday, April 30, 2010

Project Runway

As I have spent a week scampering around a bolt of black "watered" moray taffeta, shreds of cream cotton jersey knit, thread trimmings and straight pins with yellow flower heads...I realized tonight it was, is worth it.

Tonight the high school hosted there own version of Project Runway. We sat in the front row in front of the stage--feeling like we had those seats only the A-List celebs get at the runway shows. The fashion show music was spun by a beloved high school classmate with a flare and knack for disc jockeying. The fashion creations...well, most good, some great construction while others bordered on the line of loving hands from home and tranny mess. The kind of tranny mess that would give Michel Koors and Heidi Klum nightmares for years and put Nina Garcia into a coma. Still it was all about the teens trying there hand at a craft that has fallen by the way side but is slowly making its way back in the world of desired skill/talent--sewing.

So my little (tall) fashionista decided after years of stitching her own clothes she was ready to let the world judge her talent.

With a bolt of fabric M got from her grandmother she designed an adorable fun short and flirty skirt. A skirt with a high waist and a thick elastic waste band. M paired it with an off the shoulder T embellished with brushed gold chains that picked up the gold dual zippers that accented each side of the skirt. No pattern needed. Just a creative mind along with the desire and skill to work the Singer.

After the girls all strutted down the runway and the judges took a good look at each entry's construction up close, the winners were announced.

M won first place in the casual category.

Who knows maybe one day M will hear Tim Gunn saying to her "carry on carry on."

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Those Forgotten April Holidays

Those forgotten April holidays and I am not just talking April Fools Day, which by the way I seem to forget every year.

I was sitting at my desk yesterday working and listening to the radio when the DJ announced it was "remember your first kiss day." I stopped and let my mind wander back to my freshman year when Jim Clark kissed me in the courtyard of the commons area during a hanger dance. At the time he was the buff jock who made good grades and I was the new girl in school. When the BWFs got back in the office I asked who was their first kiss? Then we started asking everyone who came through the office. There were some good stories of kisses in the back row of the movie theater and kisses in the fifth grade on the playground that got the school hot under the collar. There were some disturbing stories of kisses had way to young. We all remembered that first kiss. We did our part well in celebrating this forgotten gone by the wayside holiday. The laughter we had in our moment of reminiscing made the day.

So then I got to thinking, what other holidays in this month of April are we missing out on?

Not to let "remember your first kiss day" get all the glory this month how about we celebrate these gems as well. Join me in entertaining ourselves this week. Take special notice that today is "Tell a Story Day." The gals and I at work shouldn't have much trouble with this day since we all we love to tell stories.

Do take notice that "National Hairball Awareness Day" takes up two days this
week--Tuesday and Friday, or is that a typo? I think the hairball just doesn't get the respect it deserves. I'm expecting poems from all of you on Wednesday and I suppose you'll find some dancing in our little office on Thursday and, well, us all appreciating great hairstyles on Friday. . And, since it is honesty day if my hair looks like shit I'm expecting those who pass me to tell me. We will celebrate the week's end with a handful of raisins-- the healthy snack that is a good source of iron.

So here you have it, a list of the week's forgotten holidays:
April 26th
Pretzel Day
Hug an Australian Day
Hug a Friend Day
Remember Your First Kiss Day

April 27th
Babe Ruth Day
Tell a Story Day
National Hairball Awareness Day
National Prime Rib Day

April 28th
Kiss Your Mate Day
Great Poetry Reading Day
National Bulldogs are Beautiful Day

April 29th
Shrimp Scampi Day
Dance Day
Zipper Day

April 30th
Honesty Day
Hairstyle Appreciation Day
National Raisin Day
Arbor Day (Always the last Friday in April)
National Hairball Awareness Day (Always the last Friday in April)

Well I should part here, have to stop by the store for some Baby Ruth candy bars to celebrate The Great Bambino's day.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

I Think My Neighbor May Be Related to the Klopek's

Remember the Tom Hanks movie The Burbs?

Next door to me is a rental house that mimics the Klopek's. Never mind it is clearly outlined in the subdivision by-laws that no home can be rental property. We try to forget that the landlord who should know better lives four houses up the street. It doesn't, well didn't-- before landlord left this earth from sudden death-- much matter that not only us but the young couple on the other side of the rental house had moaned calmly our disgust.

The house is creepy! Every single window is blinded down tight...never breaching to catch a ray of sunshine. Never does a light bulb gleam in the dark hours. There is a movie camera in the front window capturing who-knows-what because we never see anyone come for a visit...or to mow grass or shovel snow. There is no trash service scheduled over there. Instead the trash is collected in black yard bags, piled in the back of a primered-unplated-tireless-pretty-much-dilapidated-going-nowhere pick-up truck. We affectionately refer to the "renters" as "the vampires". Because who else lives in such mysterious darkness, than a vampire? Once the vampire was three months behind on the rent and in the eleventh hour saved himself by presenting the landlord with nearly four grand in cash. CASH! Who pays rent, late rent, with a large wad of cash? We all have our own ideas. Most on the same path of thought.

Saturday M and I along with our neighbor and her three-old twins had our own Ray Peterson moment. You see the Vampire and his baby vampire (who does emerge for trips to the bus stop but never utters a word) was rumored to be out of town. As we all stood there chatting about the vampires my neighbor said we had to see what she has to look at out her windows. What I no longer can see since the magnolia tree sprung its spring look. So we all strated to make our way over when the video camera was brought up,; "hell I don't care about that camera" as I danced for it-- in case it was recording. Wait, the constant blue light shining is signal it is always in record mode. Then we trudged up the driveway to see rows of trash bags, guts of a car interior and tires all strewn andheaped around two beater cars. M then says "I see a crack in the window I'm going to peek." Our neighbor says "careful there may be a little girl tied up in there." We all laughed by the humorous comment when really who knows what goes on in there. Then one of the twins squeaks that she wants to look, her mom replies "no honey there are drugs in there." We all giggle again. Then we strolled back home without really uncovering much substance to our wonderings.

What is in there? Or goes on in there?

Time can only tell.

Time is going to tell sooner than later. You see landlord's estranged wife is now the keeper of the keys to his kingdom. She too thinks the place is a bit on the creepy Klopek side. She has scheduled a walk through to access things... well she wanted it this past week when the vampire so curiously had to go out of town. Curious, huh? Well those of us who book end the Klopek like house believe so.

So I guess until then we all sit back staring at the drawn blinds on the dark house with its landfill building in the backyard while a video camera records us walking the sidewalk as we all wonder what is going on and what is inside there.

I live next door to a Klopek. And, we are all turning into Ray Peterson and his friends.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Lost and Found

I spent an hour this afternoon looking for my vacuum. Really a vacuum doesn't just up and disappear inside a house. It was aggravating me to no end. Then I got M looking with me. I looked in all the usual possible places; laundry room, storage room, front foyer closet. She in the not so usual places; sump pump closest under the stairs, linen closet, her room.

No luck.

Called King Ralph to ask if he know.

No luck.

Then I looked in M's room one more time myself. B-I-N-G-O.

It is a sure sign your kid's room is a real pit, hell hole, dump.... when you lose the vacuum in the room.

Enough said!

On second thought...MAVERY CLEAN YOUR ROOM TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!! OR ELSE.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Conversations With the King

In the past week the spousal unit, King Ralph, and I have had some memorable conversations.

Conversation One

Me: Ummm your bitch sure likes to shop.

King Ralph: What do you mean?

Me: Well you left your email up and I saw she bought herself some new fenders.

KR: Oh gosh I spent $50

Me: I don't care what you spent. I'm just saying she shops more than your wife.

KR: I haven't bought anything for "the bitch" in a long time.

Me: Since last spring. And. She is getting a new coat (paint job). The bitch is getting, like, a new spring wardrobe. Just saying.

Conversation Two
ring ring goes the cell phone

KR: I just wanted to let you know M was with my at the Murphy's and she got pale and her eye starting rolling back and well she started to go down, but I caught her.

Then there was the long detailed story of how he reacted with his skilled emergency response training, yada, yada, yada.

KR: and I am taking over to the firehouse to have the guys check her out.

Me: Let me know if she checks out okay. I'll call the doctor in the morning.

Conversation Three

Me: M passed out while she was sitting getting her blood drawn.

KR: Is she okay?

Me: Lucky me had an orange in my purse that I didn't eat for my lunch. I peeled it and made her eat it. We stayed for 20 minutes then came home instead of heading right to school. I fed her a heartier breakfast than what I had in the car, then onto school. Think I should call the doctor to alert them of this episode?



King Ralph's bitch (aka as his mistress aka Harley aka as "that motorcycle") got a new paint job. In my opinion she went from her vintage look to looking like any other bike on the rode. While her fender thing-a-ma-jigs are, well, something similar to the old thing-a-ma-jigs...maybe a bit shinier.

M's been diagnosed as anemic pops pills everyday and looks forward to the impending constipation that added iron will bring to her life. On the scale of life constipation seems like a better deal than passing out and being dizzy all the time.

Friday, April 09, 2010

O Dark Thirty Hours

The title represents the ridiculous hour in which I have to make more of those Godforsaken bandwiches tomorrow.

It's not the fund raiser that gets to me it's the O dark thirty hour call time!

Don't worry I am going to start peddling the trivia night fund raiser (with the open bar) really soon. No I am going to start begging you all to form a team and buy a table from us.

Monday, April 05, 2010

The Reason I Still Buy Jelly Beans

I had planned on skipping a beat with Easter this year...not buying baskets of candy, instead slipping a gift card or cash to the girls. When I mentioned this to King Ralph...there is always a corn field in my house, and one of many ears caught wind of my comment and moans "Princess A still got a basket of candy when she was a Freshman in high school!" So I revamped my original thought bought a sprinkling of candies and other goodies (flip flops and fun tanks), slipped a wee bit of cash into a plastic egg for each and did the traditional bunny baskets. Except I didn't hide them this year. I figure basket hunting time was better spent straightening and teasing those bumps they all like to wear in there hair.

After a feast of honey glazed ham, Kari's Egg-cellent Egg Casserole, hash brown casserole, blueberry muffins, strawberry short cakes and mimosas (for the 20 and over crowd) I snapped a picture of my babies to remember why it is-- I still buy and eat jelly beans.