Campcation Cut Short

If it wasn't bad enough that our last minute choice to go camping and floating on the Meramec River wasn't disorganized enough (we won't talk about how I forgot to pack pots for cooking, bug spray, charcoal or pillows for King Ralph and I) it suddenly came to screeching halt at 530am today.

I guess when our child returns for her first weekend home from college in a lethargic state we should have heeded the warning sign as to what could come. Or when she woke on Saturday morning saying her throat hurt a little; we shouldn't have brushed it off with the statement "you must have drainage". Maybe when she got a fever midday and I was feeding the Princess ibuprofen like M&M candies, the sirens should have blared, to me, to pack up and leave right then.

So this morning at 530am when an 18 year old Princess A stood at the foot of my camper bed crying saying how sick she felt, didn't sleep all night and how terrible her throat hurt I knew this was something more. I tried really hard to find an urgent care center in the area where we were camping that our insurance accepted. Not because I wanted to continue camping or even go floating but, because I wanted the fasted medical care I could get for my sick Princess.

Who would think this river town has nothing my insurance company can offer. No urgent care centers closer than 75 miles. No Walgreens with a nurse who does rapid strep tests. Or even a doctor willing to make camper calls. So we packed fast and made a b-line for our doctor's office before the Sunday hours ended.

All the doctor had to do was look at that swollen, tonsils-meeting-in-the-middle, flaming red, purple, black and blue, bloody, puss throat and know what was wrong.

Strep!

Actually I was worried it could be mono so, a positive strep culture was a welcomed relief.

And although the owner of the campground and float company is the biggest penis along the Meramec River I managed to convince him that rain checking our float trip to October 2008 wasn't in the least bit sensible. I got it extended to June 8, 2008. It was almost obvious this man has never fathered a child or is just plain heartless.

I think both.

I am so glad that she is home for me to take care of and not lying around in her dorm room alone feeling like poo. Now I'll just pray that my Princess who is now having a sickcation is well enough to return to college tomorrow.

Here's to the speed of antibiotics.

Zipping the Lip

Have you ever experienced something that you would like to tell everyone but you know you can't because it could, would comprise everything that personifies the word "safe". Well we did and all I am going to say is everyone reacted in just the way they should have. Somehow, the parent in me still has bit of uncertainty. I really am proud of my child. Courage is probably one of the greatest characteristics one can possess. Still...I guess...this is when you just hope, as a parent, your prayers are heard as you send your children out the door.

Vote 2008

A few weekends ago when we all sat around discussing the presidental election it was suggested by someone that if you are voting for Obama to look carefully at who his running mate is. We all shook our heads knowing just the point that was being made.

Exactly what we all said was our fear for a "President" Obama was the headline on the morning news. Assassination threats. Plot. Whatever we want to call it.

Although I won't be casting my vote for Obama, I truly fear for the safety of not only him but his young family. Then I wonder where does this fear put America in the realm of safety?

Since I am a realist and knowing how most Americans think-- changing parties in control means a turn-a-round, an invigorated patriotism, an end to the Middle East conflict...in other words I think Americans will have to get use to this type of regular headline on the news.

I think I am sticking with my write in candidate--Paris Hilton.
God Bless America!

Ramen Noodles By the Case

Oh yes, Ramen Noodles by the case--the way of a college student.

Princess A is officially settled at Southeast Missouri State University in Towers East.

I am so exhausted as we chose early bird registration to beat the rush of the freshman crowd and the mile long line of cars waiting to unload those cases of Ramen Noodles. Let me just say I am so glad we chose the early bird route. We had a slue of Greeks to carry, our packed to the gill, carload of necessaries ( I say with a hint of playful sarcasm because I am not sure a lime green throw pillow with marabou is a necessity) to the eighth floor. The thing about getting Greek muscles at 730am is, they are not whipped by the heat or the constant lifting of refrigerators and TV's. We spent the whole day with Princess A getting her dorm room set up, shopping (for Ramen Noodles), having a lunch date at the Olive Garden...

So instead of jabbering on about nonsense (like how I was mistakenly mistook for the college student, kidding) lets just let the pictures speak for me. Introducing the dorm room of Princess A and Samantha.

Room Mates

Living La Vida Lofta

Where a Princess studies to keep her scholarship Where a Princess brushes her teeth and washes up

The parents didn't cry when they left their baby to spread her wings and fly

Good luck Alee-Oop remember, to call on Sundays...if for nothing else but to ask for money. XOXO!

Simply Titled, August 16-19

I can see that both myself and my blog were in need of a break...good gosh I posted my Happy Birthday entry on my birthday, August 3, it never took. I posted Paris several days later, it too never took and while I was away it too began to think again. My excuse was the music room, I don't know what my blogs excuse is. Nevertheless we are both back on track. I think.

I got myself back on track with a visit to see my Grammy, lunch at the Omega and taking her to church.

Then it was off to my BFF's house in Frankfort were we sipped wine, cheered on Michael Phelps and the kids (all girls) laughed about the things girls laugh about--nothing. We burnt the mid night oil solving issues like: who should we all vote for for president, what kind of bagels to eat for breakfast and what foods to pack for the dunes.

Sunday the Avery's, the Huss' and the Johnson's had the best day at the Warren Dunes.

We rode the waves,


cooked in the sun, played in the sand,


picnicked on the beach, collected black lake rocks for Princess A's vase she's taking to college, took pictures of the ten kids (that brought claps from fellow beach goers). I mean check out this fabulous pyramid.

We watched the sunset over Lake Michigan

before heading to Redamak's for burgers and fries.

We laughed and laughed and ate and ate; sang Happy 12th Birthday to "CoCo" in the parking lot and ate some more--cookie cake.

The cherry on top of a fab-tab-u-lous day!

King Ralph and I herded our gang into the car at 630am Monday and rolled back into Saint Louis just in time to get to work. I made it in to assist with the day-before-school crunch. I got home at 7pm and could have stayed longer. But I wanted to get home in time for D's regular and premeditated day-before-school melt down. Last year it was gum reinforcements, this year it was a necklace of her sister's she wanted to wear. Just know, we both lost it! Not the necklace but our yin and yang. As you can see it is the sister who owns the necklace who wore the necklace. The sister who wanted the necklace looks exhausted from worrying about not wearing a necklace all night. It is a little sad to think that this year's first day of school photo only has two of three sisters. Someone grew up when I wasn't looking.

Let's see M had band practice and has math homework. D is never tired of telling us her locker is next to the girl who picks and eats her scabs. Princess A is off absorbing all the last minute moments she can with friends before her ship off day.

In case you are all wondering I too survived the first day of school. Only one kid looked like he wanted to cry; I assured him we are all friendly and he is in a good place. Being the new kid is a hard thing. I survived my final duty of the day without the help of any of my assigned partners (some people can't read a schedule) and I made it out the school doors at 530pm.

One day down, one hundred eighty seven to go.

Paris Hilton Responds to McCain Ad

True I am a registered Republician and, I have suffered from electile disfunction since the start of the 2008 Presidential campaign began. Finally in a most obscure way I have found my write in candidate. Who would have thought, Paris Hilton. Gotta Lov'it!

To Do List

TO DO LIST

* Take out trash, check
* Do laundry, in check progress
* Go school clothes and shoe shopping, check
* Eat Auntie Ann's pretzels for dinner because I believe in healthy, balanced nutrition, check
*write an email to bosses stating how I really feel, check
* get gratifying responses, one check
*pack bag for a quick trip to Chicago and the Indiana Dunes so I can find my mind and acquire a little yin and yang, check

I'll be back soon friends. I just need a break to pump me up for the big holiday-- "back to school". Seeing my Grammy and my BFF is just what the doctor ordered!

Room 420

Somewhere between a bottle of unearthed menopause pills, a very large pink bra and sheet music for Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring (which seems slightly oxymoron, considering) --I've been holed up in a room otherwise known as "the music room".

After putting thirty-five hours, yes I said 3-5 hours, into moving, pitching, organizing, pitching more, organizing, filing, archiving, pitching, pitching and pitching... I finally relinquished myself from the very thing that was; either constipating me or driving me to drink.

I requested my name badge to be engraved with the name "Neicy Nash", as it seems more fitting since I agreed (obviously at a moment of either weakness or complete oblivion) to whip a certain music teacher's classroom clutter into Clean House heaven. Today when I got to the point where what I was thinking in my mind came out like a twisted pretzel with strands of drool dripping out of the corner of my mouth --I knew it was time to stop. And, not just stop but, walk away telling myself job well done.

Now I am not sure what the remaining and final tasks outcome will be--I left a canvas similar to a paint-by-numbers art creation as a guide. All I know for certain is one of us is most certainly going to her collection of classic rock tunes to sing-- Free Bird.

I wonder who feels more Free Bird-ish me or the music teacher?

Possible Titles

A. Do we have to admit we are all related

B. Watch out Christopher Alee is gonna open a can of whoop ass on you now that she is eighteen and her sisters are going to join

C. There's a lot of hair in this pool, and we aren't talking about on the heads

D. Let's flip a coin to see what team has to take Auntie Jodi

E. Raise your hand if we gathered to celebrate your birthday

A. It's just a game Focker

B. Nice shot Focker

C. Chainsaw!

D. Next game boys vs. girl

A. Calm down or the neighbors are going to call the police

B. Is the pool bar serving yet-- pina colada please

C. There will be no splashing while the game is in progress

D. Is it time for pork steaks yet?

E. Happy Birthday to us--Summer Celebration '08

See Me Frown

I was all excited, I had my rock hair going, and my concert clothes ready to go and then...

Please Note: This show has been rescheduled for Saturday, October 4.

So not fair! To make the whole thing worse--I will be out of town on October 4. I'm mad,m-a-d, mad!! I hope at least Princess A can come home from school that weekend to use her ticket.

Don't rock bands know they're like mothers--they aren't allowed to be sick.

Peace?

As I sit here my over-sized brown leather recliner soaked in the peace my home alone state offers; enjoying the grandeur and awesome spectacle that the Olympics opening ceremony serves up-- I feel a sense of world peace. Is 08-08-08 as lucky as the Chinese profess?

Then when the Target and Visa commercials flash on the screen I'm snapped back to reality and realize the notion of world peace is merely a delusion. Out there in the world there is a war going on, soldiers sweating in the heat of the Middle East, people starving and thirsty....

However, for the next four hours I will let myself immerse in the beauty of the opening ceremony. And dream-- of world peace.

White Porcelain, Not My Favorite Color

My head (and arse) has remained free of white porcelain for 36 hours now; long enough to guarantee I will live. And, to let you all know I am alive.

As soon as I was in recovery mode my niece text me asking me to take her to the doctor, that she figured death was immanent for her as well. I have not seen her in some time so I am certain I was not the cause for any germ transfer.

It's going 'round folks. Consider yourself warned.

When I Talk to Myself It Sounds Like This

Keeper: Jo. You don't mind if I call you call Jo do you?

Me: Of course not, my brother calls me Jo all the time.

Keeper: You have quite a set of bags under your eyes.

Me: Thanks for noticing, not!

Keeper: What's up girlfriend?

Me: well I had a case of insomnia last night, fell asleep at 2am...it's a hormone thing and,

Keeper: You really should get to the gyno for a check up of those hormones.

Me: excuse me [self] I was not finished.

Keeper: Sorry.

Me: The thunderstorm was wild and King Ralph was...well I can best describe my broken slumber at 6am, that was hard to get, with this childhood limerick: it's raining, it's pouring the old man is snoring.

Keeper: You should have nudged him to roll over, maybe pinched his nose. Back to the gyno check-up.

Me: I did nudge King Ralph, I pinched his nose but my old man didn't budge. One of us doesn't have a hormone imbalance. And, if you'd like to know I made an appointment for today with my favorite gyno (since my reminder card said your last visit was 5/23/06) and then Aunt Flo came to town unexpectedly and I had to cancel. Believe me I was okay with it. I hate throwing my legs up in the silver stir-ups with my who-ha flashing at a man with a pair of rubber gloves. You know what, I am not discussing this with you any further. I'm tired, slightly crabby and I HATE the gyno. So there!

Chlo-Yo- Husband Wanted, Magicians Need Not Apply

Chloe Yvonne, my youngest niece who we affectionately call Chlo-Yo--I have a soft spot in my heart for her. I have said before not sure if the soft spot comes from being present when she entered this world or if she is the baby of the family; realizing youth ends with her.

Chlo-Yo worships her teenage cousins. There is something alluring to her about there style and "worldliness". Because at nine, fifteen and eighteen seem so worldly.

There is a beauty of reignited youth among the five girl cousins when they get together--suddenly at eighteen you are nine again. They find they are never to old to play dress up when-- you can paint the faces of your younger cousins and dress them in your formal dresses. An affair of this magnitude calls for a fashion show and a photo shoot. The danger of a another girl, the dog, feeling left out was captured on film--the laughter sparkles the moment.

The purity of Chlo-Yo's age allows her to find the spider in the grass everyone else sees past and, the desire to want to catch it in her hand.

Thursday evening she looked at me and said "I wish we could spend a day alone like we did the time we went to the zoo together and you pulled my tooth".

It is hard to refuse that cute round face. So we had the day she so desired. She sat next to me in the office coloring pictures, getting snacks of chocolate and flavored water from the staff lounge and helping a fellow co-worker stock a few shelves with office supplies. Next she enjoyed a magic show in the school's lobby. Then we went to lunch together; she ate a mushroom pizza and garlic bread and I had a small salad. I told her she was best lunch company I have ever had the pleasure of enjoying.

We came home and played Yahtzee--two games. Tricky Auntie that I am knew a game of Yahtzee was a summer way of jump starting her brain with those math facts on a three month hiatus. She is a bit worried about starting fourth grade--I know she'll do just fine.

It was on our ride home from lunch that she told me all about the magician who turned a banana into a bandanna. It was what she said next that makes me miss the innocence of my own daughters. "Auntie" she said, "how do you think the magician turned the banana into a bandanna?" I replied that magicians amaze me because I can never figure the trick. Then she says "I can't marry a magician because they don't make a lot of money but I think I will date one so I can find out how they do all those tricks then I'll know."

When the sun rises tomorrow and the cousins return to Michigan they know they will forever remain--connected.

I think I should title this...STOP MOANING, SHUT UP AND HAVE A DRINK

I am going to make a public statement...I much prefer being a building assistant to being a secretary.

Okay next moan.

I have never had to change laminator film before. (Don't get me started on why only two people in the office know the trick of the trade). Today I did. Between answering phones and doing attendance. It was like a scene from Dumb and Dumber. I had to call in the Calvary to save me. The Calvary, known as Kim, saved me. I can not begin to thank her enough!

Next moan.

I think King Ralph is in mourning over his final year as a forty-something. Today is his birthday and for reasons unknown to all, he-is-crabby.

Solution to said stress--martini x's two.

King Ralph and I each had two before dinner with a shrimp cocktail, followed by BBQ. I may pass on the birthday rootbeer floats.

Excuse me I must part; my Michigan nieces and daughters are preparing to present a fashion show. It will revial Bryant Park, I am certain...I think.

Into the light of the dark black night

So life just keeps getting better for my M.

This morning she finds out on August 6 she gets her [teeth] braces off.

She once described herself as a cracked glass. I thought of her more as my black bird--now I sing to her:
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Spread those wings, set sail my Maddi-Phyl.

Burning Party? Not Quite, But Almost.

M & I spent the afternoon at The Spine Center; there is nothing quick and timely about these appointments. You are totally at the mercy of the receptionist, the waiting room, the x-ray lab, another waiting room, the holding cubicle (some call it the examination room), the fellow, the brace maker, and the spine doctor himself. Seeing Dr. Bridwell is like finally getting in to see the wizard.

Today, the wizard gave good news. In six days after M has weened herself from her back brace by wearing it six waking hours a day...hasta la vista baby. Well, at least for four months.

Since M is a smidgen from being fully grown (so shows her hand x-ray, which was an, ugh, second trip to the lab), that her "improved" curvatures has remained the same for the last 12 months; they are going to see if her spine stays stable at the 23*/18* curves. Crossing our fingers it does so the beastly brace stays hasta la vista.

In four months if all is good and the brace is to be no more for certain...burning party invites will be going out in the mail.

If that wasn't good luck enough M found $5 in the hall on the ground as we made our way to the parking garage.

Introducing the Craziest Member of our Family

I thought you all might enjoy, not only a twenty-five cent tour of our local zoo but, also a glimpse into what kind of family members we have.

It is hard having a "famous" personality as a member of our family but somehow we manage.

So without further ado I would like to introduce you to Dan aka Opticman aka my sister-in-law's spousal equivalent aka Funkle(fake-unkle)Dan (all it takes is an "I do" for an upgrade to uncle).

This video is exactly how he is all the time. We are never short for laughs when all get together.

If you want more of Dan's humor you can listen to him each afternoon (3-6pm) on KTRS 550am on the Frank O. Pinion show.

Vacation Moments That Had Me Asking...

What were you thinking? That is the question I often asked myself when we were on vacation.

Like the couples that hiked to the top of Gregory Bald and another to the Abrams Falls--both steep incline trails of thick raised tree root and rock--IN FLIP FLOPS. Come on you have to ask yourself, what were you thinking. Even a sensible amateur hiker would lace up sneakers before hiking in thin flip-flops. You know those poor SOB's had aching soles and arches when they finished out that day. To hike in flip-flops I believe you need toe nails fit for tree climbing to grasp the earth as your heel slipped back on ascending inclines.

I especially love the parent on the Hen Wallow Falls trail who let her (looked like around eight years old) son hike barefoot. I'm not sure if that mom needs a V-8 to charge her brain or a good clubbing. You say to yourself, what were you thinking.

I love grown women who hike in white flouncy mini-skirts. Or high heels and ankle length cotton dresses. Hello. Hiking is not a fashion statement; it's sweat, dirt, and hard work. What are you thinking? Sometimes, as these quacks rounded the corner I found those words slipping out with an audible tone.

I also love the sense of a parent who think giving a four-year-old sparklers to run around with in a crowd of 50,000 plus is a safe and responsible idea. Yes there where a few passer bys who were brushed on their upper arms as the sparklers red hot metal punk grazed. I believe it was King Ralph who said "hey stupid what are you thinking".

I love people in cars driving the Cades Cove loop at 5 miles an hour and snap pictures of deer. Deer. It’s a deer, not a bear. You can see a deer anywhere. A matter of fact we stood at our campsite in Cades Cove with a doe and her two fawns, as if they were our pets.

I think a daily constitutional is one of those bodily functions that are pretty private. However when you are camping you have to learn to crap with the crowd. So when you are at a campground that has only two stalls for a parking lot full of people you need to do your duty fast and move on. So lady that brought your reading material to the bathroom…what were you thinking? Please reserve leisure poo for home.

We love camping next to girls who leave there cooler and food spread out on the picnic...they are no where to be found. It was a side show for us to watch the ranger confascate those bear magnet items. His nice big wooden sign that said "we got to your stuff before the bears did" was a welcome when they returned. Oh course no one budgets the $75 fee it takes to get your cooler back from the park jail.

Now I know you want to know this; did we see bear? Yes we did, two, one on Cades Cove Loop Road (after we finished hiking the Abrams Fall) and another standing smack in the center of the Blue Ridge Parkway. The BRP bear stood sideways on the road (as our car approached) and took up the entire highway lane. It was a Volkswagen bug sized bear. Impressive in size, no doubt. No there is no record of the bear sightings since, as fast as a camera can be grabbed the beasts are on the move. We are told we missed a mother bear and her two cubs on the Gregory Bald trail. Which is just fine by me; mother bear can be aggressive when her cubs are in tow.