Top Ten Reasons We Will Miss M

TOP TEN REASONS TO MISS M NOW THAT SHE IS AWAY AT COLLEGE

10.Her bedroom will be clean
9.  Her bathroom will be clean
8. No more guinea pig sized hair ball in her shower to fight off
7. The dishwasher chore is on a two person rotation
6. We can drive her car when ever we want
5. We won't trip over her shoe-S all over the house
4. My hairspray is less likely to disappear from my bathroom
3. One less kid to be my grocery bitch
2. No more witty come backs to King Ralph's nonsensical talks
1. I won't be able to squeeze her cheeks and give her 10 kisses at a time each night

We are super excited for you M, to have this opportunity to grow and learn. Remember, make yourself proud before you make us proud. Go Bears! XOXO

(Best college move in day sighting: man brought kid to college packed in a convertible Corvette. Unpacked so fast there was no time to snap that priceless picture to share.)

Where In The World Is Keeper?

Where is Keeper these days?

A. Saving her daughters from wrangling alligators

B. Saving A and M from wrastling the alligator



C. Off on a wild alligator ride

Truth is the alligator seems almost tame to the long hours that my co-workers and I have been pulling to get our new digs up and running.

School starts tomorrow for D and I. She, a junior and I...well it's like I am a freshman all over again. I'm excited!

So excuse me if I take a few blog breaks, I be off getting my feet wet, so to speak.

Turning Into A Bear

I don't know if I can actually constitute myself and King Ralph as being held hostage, since we signed up and attended on our own free will...well it was kind of required: SOAR, aka MSU Orientation.  However folks, when you are told to attend informational meetings from 10am-8pm... let's just call it what it it felt like--hostage! 

Hostage in an ice box. Seriously I think tuition could be reduced by 15% if they cranked the A/C up in the theater alone.  I had arms and legs that looked like a chicken just plucked, and my feet were a couple of blocks of ice.  Hey while we are talking feet... once you have spent 4 hours listening to topic talks about homesickness, student alcohol consumption and smoking pot in your dorm room by filtering it through a toilet paper tube stuffed with dryer sheets... well friends you start staring at the floor. Then you notice people's feet, like the gal next to me who had two full toes and three half toes. And, the two full toes where exactly the ones she needed to wear flip flops successfully.  Then you find yourself, at least King Ralph and I did, wanting to stand up and scream when the fifth person asked the same dumb question about how the Health Center functioned.  Listening ears people, turn them on.  King Ralph was losing it by 6pm, when he started showing me all the tools that make up his Swiss Army knife. (For the record the tooth pick scares me.)  Unlike the mother who sat next to me, and had an hour nap with her bobble head...I stayed awake for every minute of every topic--boring and informational.  

By 830pm we finally made it to the Holiday Inn, where I promptly redeemed by free drink coupon for a glass of white wine, paired with a basket of complimentary popcorn and my bag of trail mix.  Aaaaaahhhh!  Freedom.  The joy of not listening to yet another college topic talk. Then we caught a few z's and did it all again the next day. Donated a few green backs to the bookstore for some Bear wear and hit the road home.

You know what? It was so worth every minute of information overload to see M excited about the choice she made to grow and develope!

To that we all say: Go Bears!

Or.

Maybe we say: Missouri State University here's my wallet, take it all.    

Sweat Does A Kid Good

I started wondering yesterday how it is I survived elementary school.  How any of us survived school.  I'm not talking math class and spelling tests, I'm talking the days of non-air conditioned classrooms. How is it we are still here on this earth?  According the color coated weather chart that landed on my desk we lived our entire youths in the "red danger zone" and still managed outdoor recess.  I imagine way-back-when in the days before Doppler radar and all those other fancy weather person tools, it must have gotten be a hundred degrees and hotter with the heat index; no one feared us having a heat stroke on the playground.  Back-in-the-days we had a box fan, or two, that blew around hot air in the classroom and our teachers wore nylons with their skirts.  I remember we would get lectured about the possibilities of losing fingers and nose tip if we grabbed hold of the fan to talk into the moving blades just to hear our voices vibrate. We'd say the obvious to the fan blades: I'm HhhHoOoOOootTTttTTt.  We learned in the dark, not because we were learning to be owls, but because no lights meant a cooler classroom.  Going outside on sweltering days meant a chance to have air circulate around your glistening body while adjusting to sunlight.

Present day. Recess canceled.

I stood on the playground yesterday in 94* with 45% humidity, feels like 101* with my thunder thighs sweating, feeling like I wet my panties, my bra soaked wet, wondering why I couldn't seek refuge in the air-conditioned building waiting for the principal to cancel recess that was being conducted in the "red zone".  Society has come to learn that recess in this type of weather can only be conducted indoors with a/c or at the local community Olympic size swimming pool. 

While my body was a pool of sweat the feet were happy with jewels catching the sun.  Except with fashion comes pain--even in the world of stretching the flip flop dress code rule.   

See my wound? They require some break in time...but aren't the flops fabulous in that simplistic way?  I couldn't possibly shower in these beauties. No way!

Then today as I was prepared to sweat my arse off again...I heavily dusted in Shower to Shower powder from shoulders to knees with double layers of Secret anti-perspriant under each arm pit...what the hey outdoor recess was canceled.

I don't know, I think all the sweating I did in elementary school built character.  And, isn't that what schools are all about these days-- Character Education?

It's Like Being Stuck In Punxsutawney And I'm Phil

I feel like Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day.  I go to bed and wake to an alarm clock that seems to scream repeat of the day before...except today a little earlier..."a little" is going to be the way.

We all survived the first day of school--me included. It seems like the first day has rolled into the second day a whole lot quicker than years preceding.  Yesterday I heard rustling in my bathroom at 6am, this morning 515am.  Yippee-ya-hoo zero hour begins.  Although M has her own wheels now to drive herself and the neighbor girl to zero hour; someone still has to get up and make lunches.  I know some of you are saying pack the lunches at night.  I just can't bring myself to make a sandwich the night before and then think it has to hang around in a messenger bag all day, growing that much older and stale.  Fresh, I like the girls to have fresh soft bread.

I am told today is going to be another recess weather day sent from heaven.  Any outside temperature under 90* constitutes a Jesus loves me.  Tomorrow the weather man is predicting a visit from the devil.  Which means only one thing in my book--wearing shoes that allow my feet to breathe. I try my best to follow defy the footwear rule of "no shoes that you can wear in the shower", but sometimes it is just hard.  Last night when I went to Target to purchase more school supplies, I found a beautiful pair of flops that I cannot wear in the shower.  Beautiful golden flops bedazzled with clear jewels.  They scream I'm trying not to defy your rule [in a fashion way].  While the first several weeks of school means trying to swim to the top of a stack of work, my feet will be saying bling and aaahhh as air circulates around them.

That my friend is what makes for a tired mom with building assistant happy feet. 

Tomorrow I will wake and it will be another day in Punxsutawney.  Two down, 174 more to go.

A Senior and a Sophomore

D just walked upstairs and we had this brief conversation

D- Can you see my bra straps

Me- No I can see the straps of your tank top.

D- Whatever I don't care, this is like the stupidest day. Summer is over! 

That's right D it's here, the first day of school.  A day that always has an eve of stress.  Years ago it was gummed reinforcers not filled from the school list that sent D into a frazzled mess.  Present day stress caused by the mysterious location of the black nail polish.  Yep you heard me right, D finally likes her toes painted.  She fought the mark of femininity practically her whole life and now... she likes only black for its high fashion mark not to confused as a mark of goth.  Like every year, I manage to calm the rippled waters.  Toes painted. Then it was a runway of hair style options.  Aaaaaahhhh! Just get to bed.

M's eve stress is limited to foot wear since her fashion choice is once again dictated by her role as she dons a Link Crew Leader T-shirt.  So what could stress my M--four inch wedges or flat jeweled sandals?  Uh, flats go much-much better with your newly acquired parking pass.

6am I hear movement in my bathroom.  No, it can't be, stop this day of what will become long scheduled early risings!  Unfortunately there is no stopping it.  Eye shadows and pink blushes dust in the air, hair spray fumes suffocate and brown sacks stuffed with yummies line the kitchen counter.  The outside temperature is a sentiment of Jesus loves us; as the weather is reported to be a glorious 82* at noon with lower than usual humidity.    

And the camera.

Yes sirree the always coveted First Day of School picture.     

A senior and a sophomore. (Or looking at the picture a sophomore and a senior) 

Oh Louie the Triton She'll Learn to Love You--Someday

Today was the day of realization.  The day Princess A had to reckon with the demon inside of her...the demon of feeling like a traitor...coming to terms with the decision she made herself.  It was an inner battle between Rawdy the Red Hawk and Louie the Triton.  While a red hawk is an actual creature, a [Triton] named Louie is a mythical creature...Princess A kind of feels like she left her real world and is in a mythical land.  I call it transition, she calls it reality.

This morning was orientation.  Why ever did I agree to go?  New school, new system to learn, love for my child.  Yep that's the reasons.  However, when they threw me in a room with parents that were virgins to the send off of a child to college..."Letting Go" was the last seminar I needed to be forced to attend.  Fifty minutes of chat about kids doing there own laundry (I stopped doing her laundry long before I sent her off to college), shedding tears when you say that final good-bye (which I didn't do two years ago because I was excited for her venture) and setting up a communication system-- when to call your child. (I plan to call Princess A from the kitchen to her bedroom often).  Why oh why does the parent of a transfer commuter student need to sit through such a seminar?!  Princess A was questioning why she needed to attend seminars on how to navigate the university's website and how to be safe on campus (as she waved her mace in a pink container at the campus police officer as he lectured). 

While we ate our complimentary lunch (is anything really complimentary...by look of the tuition bill I say no); Princess A and I agreed to bounce.  I didn't think we were above the room full of parents and students but when you have done it in one place it feels like repetition. You know same song different tune.

We headed off together to tend to a few lose strings; Princess A with her list of "to do's" and me with the wallet.  That's why I came along, to pay for stuff like a parking permit and books....

From the corner of my eye I caught glimpse of a different mascot.  This mascot looked like a chicken that had been rolled over by a truck--hardly competiton to Louie the mythical creature that looks like a red lizard.  I asked a campus administrator standing there who the chicken was.  It was explained that the chicken was a mascot that student life uses to get the student body pumped up to join activities. When I asked why a chicken though, the administrator just shrugged her shoulders.  I'm telling you it was like someone went to a mascot recycling center and decided a chicken that looked like it had been run over by a truck seemed like a good idea.  Guess we'll see if the matted chicken pecks Princess A to get involved in her new place of higher education.        

Then we filled out an evaluation, scored a couple of free university T-shirts (free is never free it's all in the tuition, right?) and bounced.

And so, the period of transition is set to begin.

1:10AM

I am hemming color guard parade uniforms, still.  If one leg is longer than the other it is probably because I am hemming with one eye open and one eye closed.  Hopefully tomorrow morning the auditorium full of school district employees attending the back-to-school rally will be so tired they will have one eye open and one eye closed.

The things we do for kids...for marching band.   


(It seems at this hour of the night Viagra TV commercial are in full abundance.  Do you think they have proof that men suffering from a lack of are awake watching TV at this ridiculous hour?)

First Day Holiday

I always loathed "First Day Holiday" in elementary school; the Principal's belief that the first day of school should be viewed as the greatest holiday of the calendar year--celebrated as an intrusion of parents in the classrooms with snow cones and games on the playground when kids should be back to reading, writing and arithmetic.

Now, now that everyone is in high school (and college) I love first day holiday--dress them, feed them, and send them out the door (with a few extra kisses) with wishes for a great first day. When the high school girls get home exhausted from there non acclimated early rise, the realization hits that there is no honeymoon period in high school--the homework load begins. Back to reading, writing and arithmetic.

Now dressing was pretty easy for M as she had her first day of school outfit designated by her role, Link Crew member. She matched a hundred others in there first day of school outfit. In the end the thing that bummed her the most, not being able to wear some fashionesta garment turned out to be okay, because instead the thing to be bothered by was someone decided to steal her text books as she helped Freshman find there buses to go home. D looks the same tired as she looks every first day...however this first day she looks a little more grown-up-- my high school girl, my baby at the beginning of what is nearing the end of this phase in my journey of parenthood.

So...let the good times roll!

The Eve of Back-to-School

The house is silent except for the click-click-click of my fingers on the laptop keyboard. I have no actual desire to be sitting here listening to the abundance of silence that consumes the house, but King Ralph--a man of the white shirt always on call--got a call at 2am that woke us from sound slumber. (For some odd reason I am the only one still affected by the middle-of-the-night wake-up call.)

There is an extra measure of silence to the house knowing Princess A's bedroom is empty; empty of her belongings and being. Strange how the absence of one family member in the house can actually be felt. That's a feeling felt whether it is because one of the kids is off with friends for the night or away at college.

Even though I dread being awake right now I am pleased to report that for the first time in D's life she had a freak-out less eve before school. No melt downs of the past like over gummed reinforceers, necklaces that aren't being shared.... Just a regular, usual, calm evening the night before one of her biggest school eve's in her life-- the night before the first day of high school. I view it as the beginning of the end, the "best days of your life" era; or so they say. I don't know...does this mean my baby girl has really grown up? That she can handle big change in her life now, finally? What ever the reason for the calm nature of her being-- I like this eve of the new school year.

THEN HOW COME KING RALPH'S WORK HAD TO WAKE ME UP? THIS WAS GOING TO BE MY FIRST ALL NIGHT SLEEP ON THE EVE OF BACK-TO-SCHOOL. I WAS SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT! I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL IN THE MORNING TOO! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

You know what I did on the eve of the first day of school? I cheated on my hair dresser. You would think I should feel guilty but I don't. I have been teetering back and forth whether to cut off my mop of hair and as I walked through the mall with the goal of buying M and D new sneakers (buy one get one half off, a twenty-percent off coupon and $100 dollars later we have sneakers for both) I eyed the Mastercut, breezed in and chop, chop my hair is all gone. Never having been in a Mastercut before I kind of felt like I was in "Missouri Ink". This young staff of coiffures were seriously inked. I wonder if they realize when they are getting their tat on the forearm that in 50 years that artwork will be harboring its lo-cal on the elbow? Or that tat on the breast will be on their hip? That gravity changes everything--including the location of the tattoo. Oh hell "inked up" gave me a feel-good back-to-school haircut. I love my hair! It in no way means I am breaking up with my long time hairdresser. It also means there is no guarentee I won't cheat again.

It's inching closer to 4am and I have to wake, no be alert and cheery in two hours. So I am going to try to fall asleep, again, so I can do the usual first-day-of-school rituals. Smile and say cheese--Mom's got the camera girlies.

Happy First Day--to us all!