Dear "Uncle Tim"-
I was chatting with your favorite relative's friend last week. We discussed your feelings and opinion on flip flops in the work place--being that they have been placed on the fashion ban list at my place of employment. I asked that favorite relative of yours if I bejeweled and bedazzled my flops if that would count as "shoes you wouldn't wear in the shower". And, well, she flips me this quote on my flops in the work place from your fashion tips book Guide to Quality, Taste & Style-- it reads:'And then there's the flip-flop phenomenon. Ugh. How is it that these slabs of rubber can proliferate so, even in winter? Where is this taking our society and culture other than into a long and winding fashion decline?' Then that favorite relative of yours threw a knife at my heart and wrote this: So, flip-flops are a big NO, Jodi. Sorry. Sparkles or no sparkles. :("
Ouch! I don't just mean ouch from the knife I pulled from my flip flop loving heart but, ouch on my feet. You see "Uncle Tim" I wore some fabulous cream leather Sam & Libby chunky heeled sandals that were collecting dust in the back of my closest last week and then today I wore some adorable kitten heel black leather strappy sandals embellished with a black leather hibiscus flower...okay Uncle Tim your quote, them are fighting words. I HAVE HAD BLISTERS ON MY FEET TWICE NOW JUST SO I CAN'T BE ACCUSED OF WEARING SHOES I CAN SHOWER IN. JUST SO I CAN LOOK THE PART AND BE A RULE FOLLOWER. I HAVE BAND AIDES PLASTERED ALL OVER MY FEET. I LOOK LIKE A KINDERGARTNER WHO MET UP WITH A LAWN MOWER. I JUST DON'T LIKE YOUR FASHION RULE, YOUR DISDAIN! I NEED TO CHASE LITTLE PEOPLE ON THE PLAYGROUND (and some days dodge vomit from the kid who eats to fast).
I wanted to post a picture of my cute fashionable shoes to prove I can go outside my comfort zone. However it would be a picture of my bandaged feet covered in the sticky strips of flesh colored tape just accentuating my much needed pedicure.
Watch out world (well mostly my employer), I am ordering myself a treat and I am gonna sparkle and bling up everything that can make a "rubber can proliferate". When winter comes I might fore go on getting myself a new [replacement] pair of luscious black leather boots (last years I wore down) and wear CROCS! HA!!
So if you happen in my office and begin to think this girl hasn't moved much today...it just might be because I am hiding my comfortable feet from the Principals.
The Elementary School Building Assistant with Blisters on her Feet From Fashion Forward Shoes