Cold sweats. Shakes. Uncontrollable finger twitches. Heart beating practically out of the chest wall. I was just about to resort to rehab and a 12-Step program-- we have been without satellite TV for nearly a month. You have no idea the anxiety disorders that come with television withdrawal. No idea! I have beaten down doors of friend’s homes to see their recorded episode of the finale of American Idol. No Paula Deen guiding me how to add high doses of fat to my diet. No Discovery Channel and Ben Bailey challenging my memory of trivia knowledge from his yellow cab. No Tela Tequila on MTV...well actually that was an easy cold turkey (giving up a tranny mess is easier than you think). You can only imagine that is what Amy Whinehouse must feel like as she tries to kick her cocaine addiction. Thankfully Farmer Wants a Wife is accessible by computer-- which is probably how Amy Whinehouse must feel when she finds a joint roach in an ashtray--just enough of a fix to take the edge off. It is borderline absurd how much this family loves the mindless-life-sucking-brain-death-box-of-entertainment. But we do. More so than we ever realized.
It is rather joyous to see that since the mindless-life-sucking-brain-death-box-of-entertainment went black that the girls are reading--novels. Princess A who finds pleasure reading arduous actually, by her own fruition, went into a book store, purchased with her own money the novel Into the Wilds...and is reading it. Reading not because she has to or for a grade rather because reading is fun, and pleasurable. I even heard her say the "book is really good". M asked me to purchase Atonement...and is reading. D who has always been a ferocious reader has picked up pace and nearly completed a novel in a day. The King on the other hand has not embraced the bookstore but instead developed a relationship with The Red Box. I have taken up reading deeper into my presidential candidate options--still remaining disenchanted by all.
D has taken to inviting friends over after school (which thankfully, finally ended today) to stand around the piano while she plays Sara Bareilles' Love Song and they all sing. Some may be flat and pitchy but it's so cute, so middle school.
Bedrooms are being kept clean; sheer boredom can drive you to...well, to the things that should be all the time.
All this cleaning, piano playing, singing and reading; this body and mind enhancing entertainment is coming to an end soon. The protection plan I ordered up is finally kicked into effect...Mr. DirecTV is coming tomorrow (between the hours of 8am-12pm, which means more like 2pm). He is coming with a new dish, a new remote and anything else he may have in his trusty little life-saving vehicle I think he should throw in--a gesture of apology for failing equipment--to bring this family back to life. Hallelujah! When he leaves and the TV starts to surf through its 800 plus channels; the people of this house will say, AMEN!
So excuse me if I do not blog for a while...I will be catching up and TIVOing like a mad woman anything and everything that the airwaves can throw in the direction of my dish. The possibility of me losing a few of those recently gained pounds could be shed as I run from room to room absorbing all the satellite waves our three TVs can kick out.
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