Monday, December 06, 2010

Mondo Meat Pie

My little brother and I made plans to do a bit of Christmas shopping together.  He needs my help when shopping for his three stylish nieces.  We decided tonight was a good night to order that BIG pizza he has been dying to order.  When he picked up the BIG pizza, the pizza guy wanted to know what he was driving.  The BIG pizza would not fit in a Smart car, or even a Ford Focus...this bad boy needed the bed of a truck.  It also comes out the back door, it won't fit through the front door.
D put her hand in the picture so you can get a feel for the thirty inches of brick oven pizza-deliciousness.  This bad boy did not come sliced.  It was a work out slicing the half sausage half everything pizza.  It induces song.

When the moon hits you eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore
When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine
That's amore
Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling
And you'll sing "Vita bella"
Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay
Like a gay tarantella

No one was a gay tarantella.  No happy dancers instead...

BEWARE--a pizza this size causes gas. 
Not in women but in forty year old brothers.First brother dropped his bomb in my beautiful new truck, in which the windows needed to be rolled down to let the 20* frigid air purge the cabin. Then while I was digging for my keys on a mall bench I was left in a cloud of toxic fumes as a giggly brother left me suffocating as old men where dropping to the floor right in front of me.  So beware when ordering a fifty pound pizza.  Why is it men have no problem cutting the cheese in public?  Not to mention think it is funny? 

Once I got my oxygen levels restored we headed to Target: the momdom of shopping mecas,where I purchased these holiday delights for myself.
It is a puppet show on my feet.  I perform Santa Claus is Coming to Town and Jolly Old St. Nicholas.  You know who doesn't like my Kris Kringle feet? The dog!  Uli went on the attack.  Then Santa scolded Uli and reminded her who brings her giant meaty treat on December 25--she backed off.

Okay my Santa feet are scurrying to the medicine cabinet for a couple of Tums to calm the effects of the BIG pizza pie and call it a night.


ThE MidLiFe CrUiSeR said...

Hmmm...I'm not seeing any Steak cut MUSHROOMS on your BIG A$$ Pizza. Might I suggest a side of Gas X next time ;) For your brother, right? hehee! Good thing the dog wasn't in your shiny new truck, or you would have been blaming HIM!

(36 year old fulltime RVer living la vida loca with a cute-butt husband and a stink-butt dog!)

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