Love and marriage, love and marriage
Go together like a horse and carriage

Let me just tell you what doesn't go together--
the spouse and a trip to the grocery store!

I don't know what I was thinking... I must have totally lost all sense of conscienceness when I spoke the words, "honey do you want to come to the grocery store with me"?

A few shopping rules I should have laid out before we entered Dierberg's:

• I don't do Hamburger Helper (even if you love it).
• I don't do Chef Boyardee Raviolli (it is not really tomato sauce).
• I don't do pizza rolls (no matter how much the girls like these processed morsels of nasty being passed off as a bite sized stuffed pizza) two weeks in a row.
  
  I considered taking his life, claiming death of natural causes in isle 4A-- the soup isle-- when the loving spouse tried to inform me he would "teach me how to shop" by buying the family size can of Campbell's Bean and Bacon soup. Then I realized better alive than dead; we need his paycheck to buy his over sized can of bean soup. Oh Jo be really cruel by withholding his doses of Bean-o prior to the consumption of his mansized can of bean soup, gas pains honey that is a simple pay back for the hell of shopping with your spouse.
  
  Then the spouse becomes the traveling man somewhere between the deli and the dairy case (I once left him at the store during our first year of marriage for that exact reason).
  
  When we got to the Party Center isle aka the booze isle I took possession of a bottle of citrus vodka and he took a hold of a bottle of whiskey. I profess I needed it more than he!
  
  As we were leaving the grocery store-- with not one cart but two (because Frank the 70 year old bag boy convinced the aggravating spousal shopping partner that we need not smash the canned veggies at the bottom of the cart)-- an acquaintance from the kid's school stops in the parking lot rolls down her window and yells out "those who shop together stay together", then she roared in laughter, rolled up the window and drove away.
  
  That was all the affirmation I needed to know that I in fact lost my mind for a brief moment today. Now someone kick me in the ass and bring me back!