Before The Snow

Last Saturday was a beautiful day.  The kids were in shorts. The sun was shining and the camper was begging to meet the truck's hitch for the first time. So. Off a camping we went.

We picked our state park soley for the purpose of touring the cave.  Inside the visitor center the time line of the cave's history there was a line that read, "go gaga for Onondaga". Ha! Because close by was a sign that read "Bat Hybernation Cave closed till April 15".  Bologna I say. The cave always opens in March! Why couldn't the website have warned cave seekers of this batty non-sense.  Wake the bats. Tell them daylight saving time was about to kick in.  So what if they are battling white-nose bat syndrome. We wanted the chance to go gaga over Onondaga [Cave].

Nevertheless we had a good over night get away. In 2002 they shut this park down, gutted and rehabbed the entire campground. It is really nice. We had only the company of a couple from Iowa tenting and another family in their mongo fifth wheel.  We all spread far enough apart so not to feel one another's company.

Uli went on her first ever camping trip

since no one was around we defyed the park rules by letting our pouch go leashless

she did take the leash when I went for a run 

the girlies cranked up the music and danced

(we've decided to go one more season with the pop-up

before buying the big boy) 

As the sun was thinking of setting we played B-S

 King Ralph doesn't wear a bullshit face to well

hence all the cards in his hands

Later in the night when the cold night air grabbed hold

we took the cards inside; changed to Uno

and still

King Ralph's sausage fingers grasped the whole deck.

We slumbered.

We made a roaring morning fire.

Ate bratwurst for lunch.

Laughed.

Then came home.

Next Spring Break adventure....   

Call Me Dr. Dolittle

Me: Uli your home! Where were you?

Uli: I was tired of running laps in the yard all day.  It's no fun when you can't invite the kids from the neighborhood over to race.

Me: You mean the other dogs? 

Uli: Whatever.

Me: So where'd you go?

Uli: Well when King Ralph, as you call him, left the front door open I decided I would sneek out to take a run and live on the wild side.  I came across a nice yard where I made a couple of new friends, pugs named Zues and Braxton.  They invited me to spend the night on the back porch with them.  I couldn't refuse.

Me: Did you have fun?

Uli: Sure we played nice together.  But you know they're boys and they started to not respect my female boundaries.  I suppose my freshly styled hair and my Halloween scarf really turned them on...I can't talk about it anymore it is to disturbing to relive.

Me: Uli, all male species like to get a little frisky with the ladies from time to time.  But why didn't you phone home?  We were worried sick.

Uli: I wanted too, but my tags fell off and I couldn't remember our phone number.  My new friends mom made a great breakfast and took me for a long walk on the leash.  She was really nice.  Sorry to worry you all.

Me: Your tags were there last week! Oh well you are home safe and sound.  I am also glad your new friends were fine hosts. I think D is going to make them an apple pie as a thank you for keeping you safe when you decided to run wild.  NO more leaving the house without permission!  You hear?!!

Uli: Ya.  Really there is no place like home.

Me: So true!   

Uli Phone Home

It all started when King Ralph walked out the front door, leaving it ajar, to look at the minor damage that M's co-worker/band mate's mom caused to her car.  King Ralph had M's car yesterday, I switched car's with him after work so M could have her car to drive to evening band practice.  As I stopped so she could cross the lane to hop in the car, co-worker's mom waited for her to cross and then proceeded to back into the car.  Never met co-worker's mom...but I have now. 

Like I said it all started when King Ralph walked outside at 8pm to survey the damage.

9pm D went looking for her beloved pooch only to find she was no where to be found.  Just like Toto she loves to run.  Given the opportunityty to run wild and free she'll take it!  We all hopped in cars to canvass the area.  M & D calling out Uli's name came upon two boys playing basketball in their driveway who alerted them a woman was walking with our doggy on a leash looking for the owner and said she told them she would send the little black dog to a shelter.  Uli has tags, a tag with her phone number stamped on a heart.  Why not call us?  We rushed home called the local police who directed us to the animal control division-- no luck. 

So we said our prayers last night that Uli finds her way back to us today. 

In the words of ET--ULI PHONE HOME!     

There's No Place Like Home

Uli, our little Wizard of Oz dog went for a run today...well this morning before I left for work. I dorve around slowly for fifteen minutes on the look for her. She ran so long King Ralph took the day off work to hunt her down because he couldn't live with himself if he had to tell his daughters he left the front door open when he took the trash out. I guess after a while Uli began to think there's no place like home and she just appeared.

King Ralph then decided if she was to go on the run again she better run looking fine; so he took her to the doggie beauty parlor for a shampoo and style. While King Ralph was at the pet parlor he got what I am sure is more a treat for him then the dog. Uli will walked on a flipping HARLEY DAVIDSON DOG LEASH. If it is not bad enough King Ralph dreams and breaths that darn mid-life crisis in the garage, now the dog is marked with sign of the hog.

What am I going to do with the King?! He has lost it!!!

While the dog said there is no place like home, my mother-in-law says the same thing. Because when comparing the ICU at SLU Hospital--there, is, no place like home.

I Think My Dog Wants Me to be A Stripper

Story Set-up: Last Friday morning before surgery I did a load of laundry; basic reason was to secure clean undies for myself...threw in dryer and to the hospital I went.

Monday morning I hear a moan from M and these words followed--"the stupid dog, she chewed a hole in my favorite ten dollar underwear!"

First of all I am unaware we spend ten dollars on a pair underwear. For that price we must have silk Victoria Secret panties in the house and not the cotton four pairs for twenty-dollars. Then the next morning I hear another ugh. Another pair of new panties have fallen victim to the dog's snack attack.

What is it with our dog? Why does she love to eat underwear--girls,dirty underwear. The newer the pair the better. And why not King Ralph's?

It's not like her food bowl isn't brimming with Kibbles and Bits. Could it be her supply of fresh [vole] meat isn't awake and peeking from the ground teasing a game of catch and eat, turning the backyard into a scene of Baghdad.

Yesterday afternoon I took a shower and realized that the girls never emptied the dryer. In there moments of nursing me and setting clean clothes on the bathroom counter...they merely fetched a fresh pair of undies from the dryer each day. So I trudged down to the laundry room, reached in the dryer slipped on a pair of panties and decided...I think today I will accomplish a chore and tossed in a load of towels. Then grabbed some fresh jammies from on top the dryer, tossed my towel wrap in the wash machine and went back to the couch for more rest.

Hours later I needed to use the restroom. There I was astonished, as I sat on the toilet I noticed I was wearing crotchless panties. DAM DOG! She chewed a nice big hole for my yoowho to be all exposed. I could literally slip my hand in the chewed hole and wave a good-bye to this once pair of undies from my desperate pile. Thank God for that--the undies were from the desperates.

But still.

Why?

Why can't our dog like chew toys and learn to play fetch?

No, instead our dog wants all the girls in the house to wear crotchless panties.

The dog, I think, wants us to be strippers.

UGH!

Honey, for Valentines Day I could use new panties.