If Only

Today's one of those days I would've called my grandma. I can hear her voice in my head. She'd pick up the phone. I'd say, "Hi, Grandma", all cheery. She'd say in her feeble worn out voice, "Oh, Jodi, what's new with you?" I'd start by telling her it snowed less than an inch last night and she'd tell me it snowed 3-4 inches by her and how pretty it looks out her window. Then we'd talk till it exhausted her and my heart would be full.

I miss that so much. 

I miss her so much.

Today I just really want to tell her how, while King Ralph, Prince Charming and I are avoiding the flu, the girls are going down one by one. First Princess A last week, then M on Saturday night and D today. It's a near epidemic here in Missouri. The girls are now part of the staggering statistic. Telling my grandma about the girls--good or bad news--filled her too. 

I just drove D to the doctor to be tested. We both had on masks. Although the heater was on, the windows were cracked--letting fresh-freezing-feels-like-12*-outside-cold-air circulate the germs right out the window! Then I went to the store stocked up on Lysol wipes and spray, disposable hand towels for the bathroom and Kleenex. Lots and lots of Kleenex. 

In this fantasy phone conversation I would have with my grandma I'd tell her I already made a crock pot of soup this morning. Soup is the mom's medicine. My grandma would tell me exactly what she ate for breakfast. She'd then tell me how the flu was running through Manor Care and they were quarantined for at least two weeks. Because every winter we'd have that same conversation--about her meals and the flu. Then she'd tell me she loved me and I say I loved her. Then she'd say tell the girls to take care and she would say "love you" once more and I say I would call next week.

Would. 

Wish I could.

But I can't. 

And that's alright. Its life. I have memories. Beautiful, beautiful, heart warming memories. 

This is where this story has to end. Because, well, I've got to get to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription of Tamiflu. <sigh>