In the past week the spousal unit, King Ralph, and I have had some memorable conversations.
Conversation One
Me: Ummm your bitch sure likes to shop.
King Ralph: What do you mean?
Me: Well you left your email up and I saw she bought herself some new fenders.
KR: Oh gosh I spent $50
Me: I don't care what you spent. I'm just saying she shops more than your wife.
KR: I haven't bought anything for "the bitch" in a long time.
Me: Since last spring. And. She is getting a new coat (paint job). The bitch is getting, like, a new spring wardrobe. Just saying.
Conversation Two
ring ring goes the cell phone
KR: I just wanted to let you know M was with my at the Murphy's and she got pale and her eye starting rolling back and well she started to go down, but I caught her.
Then there was the long detailed story of how he reacted with his skilled emergency response training, yada, yada, yada.
KR: and I am taking over to the firehouse to have the guys check her out.
Me: Let me know if she checks out okay. I'll call the doctor in the morning.
Conversation Three
Me: M passed out while she was sitting getting her blood drawn.
KR: Is she okay?
Me: Lucky me had an orange in my purse that I didn't eat for my lunch. I peeled it and made her eat it. We stayed for 20 minutes then came home instead of heading right to school. I fed her a heartier breakfast than what I had in the car, then onto school. Think I should call the doctor to alert them of this episode?
KR: YA!
Epilogue
King Ralph's bitch (aka as his mistress aka Harley aka as "that motorcycle") got a new paint job. In my opinion she went from her vintage look to looking like any other bike on the rode. While her fender thing-a-ma-jigs are, well, something similar to the old thing-a-ma-jigs...maybe a bit shinier.
M's been diagnosed as anemic pops pills everyday and looks forward to the impending constipation that added iron will bring to her life. On the scale of life constipation seems like a better deal than passing out and being dizzy all the time.
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