okay so I am blogging, finally

Here is the problem with my lack of blogging lately. I spend all my non-sleeping, non-working, non-chained to the wash machine, non-soliciting band parents to volunteer events hours in the high school "green room" making Roaring 20's hairstyles and pinning bra straps to red flapper dresses. These hands are so pin pricked and heavily coated with hair gel and hair spray that the fingers stick to the keyboard, so...my posts would look like this asdfjkl;;lkjfddsa. Unless someone is the holder of the secret decoder ring my blogging would make no sense to anyone other than maybe-- a Vulcan.


So we had a "free" day today. It was decided that taking a drive across the state line to pick apples seemed like a sensible form of entertainment; for four people. Why not burn that $3.58 a gallon gas, stand in the blazing sun, fight crowds of people hovering three rows of golden delicious apples for-- 8 pounds of apples that I could have bought at the top of the street from a pleasantly air conditioned grocery store (by hoofing it to boot). But it seems like it was worth it after all.


Look at the pie D baked. Looks pretty good, huh?

I'll take mine ala' mode

Weekend Recap

I am still in recovery mode from an extreme event weekend.

Here's a few photo highlights:

The Color Guard at the Friday night football game--performed for a team that remains undefeated. Go Flyers!

Then I woke up (still tired) and made the same fourteen Roaring 20's hairstyles I made just 16 hours earlier--in preparation for the band's first competition (where they placed second).
(M working her moves on the 30 yard line, managing not to cross into the tuba player this time).

While King Ralph and I played out divide and conquer; he headed to SEMO for family weekend and the AXO BBQ. Then drove up to Farmington-- to join me-- with Princess-Baby AXO in tow to show support for M. Then we all drove down to SEMO to finish off family weekend.

The sisters sit on that roommate free bed. King Ralph wants to help the Princess become an entrepreneur by hanging a sign on her door that says something like this: locked out? kicked out? knock on the door twice hand over a ten. He thinks she can rent out that unoccupied bed and rake in some extra dough.

While M took to the unoccupied bed free of charge...she got to experience a dorm fire alarm at 4am, with a sleep interrupted evacuation.

I sat up all night just knowing I should have accepted that door to door invite to the frat party--where frat boy promised there would be games and prizes. Game: Quarters? Prize: Keep the quarter after you chug the cup of beer?

what is she talking about

Forget the fact I fed the girls already prepared mashed potatoes and steam fresh mixed veggies from a bag for dinner. I made this speech to my third grade lunch bunch today:

We have called you two minutes early from recess so [I] could tell you that you are all behaving in the cafeteria like you are at a pub and grill...this cafeteria is like a fine dining establishment, you should be using your indoor-I-am-at-fine-dining-establishment-voices. We do not want to hear you scream at the tables to your neighbors, we do not want to hear the pounding of a fist rattling the tables, lunch trays crashing to the ground....


Oh my gosh it's this part of my job I loathe, the cafeteria Nazi. And, since I am the one with the voice that has the volume I am always the one who steps forward to speak on behalf of my lunch team.

I think if I would have channeled my mind reading talent I would have heard some wise guy third grader saying to himself; fine dining establishment,ha, then where is my truffles, foie gras, escargot, and a bottle Saint-Geron water? Instead we were served pancakes, a sausage link, a greasy square hash brown and milk in a carton. To wipe our mouths we have napkins that are like single-ply toilet tissue. Tomorrow I am going to demand cloth, linen, napkins.

To which I would have been hard pressed not to respond, dude tomorrow your mom is brown bagging it for you; spam sandwich and Vienna sausages in the can and a bottle of tomato juice.

Or maybe I should invest in ear plugs and whistle.

My Last Obligation Free Weekend Till November First

Here's a simple, quick recap of my no obligation weekend.

Friday night with no kids...dinner and a margarita with the King. Then a trip to Home Depot-- nothing says I love my wife like taking her on a date to the hardware store. (I should have had two margaritas.)

Cleaned the storage room. Found my good watch that I "lost" on the spring break trip. (Ssshhh I never told King Ralph since it was a Christmas gift). And now, the storage room is the cleanest room in the house.

Shopped for M's homecoming dress. It did not cost what I told King Ralph I planned on spending. Today he asked the cost, moaned and then M tried it on and modeled for him...he wore his I-am-a-sucker-dad-for-my-daughter-looking-beautiful smile across his face and all is well. Thank God he is a sucker for his girls' beauty and taste for good fashion. We haven't broke it yet we have to buy shoes too. I'll tackle that on another day. (I didn't mention I saw a lot of tranny mess at the mall on Saturday night, thank God my girls are tasteful!)

Now I am going to watch What happened in Vegas,for a second time, because it is worth the laughs.

The End.

It's Just the Concession Stand for Goodness Sake

I called half the world yesterday. Okay so that was an extreme exaggeration, but it felt like it, it was half the marching band. And to date only 2 of those who I left messages has returned my call--even signed up to work.

I think someone has sounded the seven trumpets alerting to my call for volunteers-- like I am one the last seven plagues. I'm being to feel, as the band's volunteer coordinator, that I am one of those last seven plagues. I'm calling the other half tonight. Consider yourself warned!

Remember people...you can run but you can't hide. I've got your address. I'm not below hunting you all down till you sign up to work a shift, or work some event. Run I say, I dare you.

People, it's just the concession stand for goodness sake.

House Bunny

There's a new bunny in the SEMO Alpha Chi Omega house.

And she's a better vision of Greek pink than Anna Faris is as Shelley Darlington in The House Bunny.

A matter of fact all these LHS alumni are the cutest visions of Greek pink. Don't you think?
(Princess A is the girl farthest on the right)

What's on Tap tonight

Nothing is on tap but, I am serving up shots of Nyquil to everyone in the house.

We might even have a contest as to who can throw there shot back the fastest.

I need to shake this. It's messing with my zen. My yin and yang are feeling off balance. I feel ick and crabby in my own skin.

It bugged and maybe it shouldn't have

Last night when I went to the high school open house M's English teacher was wearing open toe shoes and her nail polish looked like it went through the grinder. A little polish on this toe, none on that toe....

It just didn't have that meet-this-honors-English-teacher-professional-I-wanna-impress-the-parents-appearance.

Does noticing that make me a snob?

Month Number Nine

I found myself walking around work today softly signing Neil Diamond's September Morn, which seems fitting considering it is now September. It clashed with Mr. Hayes Irish tune of Danny Boy (which we all know is more in line for the month of March).

On this September day I wonder if the ick my body feels is a brewing of Princess A's strep throat , M's summer cold or my disgust with this whole presidental election. Whatever it may be-- pass the Kleenex. Two aspirins and a glass of water. Turn off the RNC (just like I turned off the DNC).

Now put me to bed.

Defying the Rule

Since our Labor Day was basically reorganized by bacteria. Because I am having to send my child back to college with tonsils the size of ping pong balls. I have laid around the house in a tye-dye T-shirt blocking myself from any much needed sun rays in an effort to live up to my Florence Nightingale standards of care. I am going to defy all fashion rules that come post Labor Day.

I am going to wear my Old Navy white walking shorts to work tomorrow. One because I have job that if I dress up the shorts I can get away with. Two because I love my Old Navy white walking shorts.

And if you dare to comment I will wear white shoes, patent leather white shoes.

So to the post Labor Day white rule I say to the winds and--screw you!