Sunday, September 30, 2007

Weekend Review In Pictures

Although I could have stopped by the alumni tent, slapped on one of the fancy stickers that announced the year that tagged me to the homecoming while securing a ticket for a free hot dog--I took the pass, instead indulging in the excitement that homecoming offered my two girls.







Friday, September 28, 2007

Never End An Email With These Words...

Never end an email to the social committee chair who just opened her own restaurant with these words, "Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help, i am more than happy". You may be sorry.

You see last Saturday when I stepped up to the plate to take over serving the marching band lunch before competition...all the food was ordered by the chairperson, delivered...all I had to do was get it out on the table and serve the hungry mob. This time...this time I am off to the store to shop not only to serve dinner (the Friday night Homecoming banquet) to 220 high school band kids and there 145 8th grade band guests but basically do the whole thing. (Excuse me while I scccccreammmmmmm.) Don't bother with the math I'll do it for for you...THREE HUNDRED SIXTY FIVE STARVING TEENS!!!!!!!!! Plus the table decorations, which was the job I originally signed up to do. I hope all those episodes of Whose Wedding is it Anyway I have watched will turn out to be a helpful tool in pulling off this monster task that was tossed my way, MONDAY. This feels like a rushed wedding with a pregnant bride.

The little wrench in this plan is I now work so I can't really be there at the time I need to be in order for this whole dinner to play out like a well rehearsed symphony. I have lassoed in the only friend I have dumb enough to refuse me. She lovingly laughs when I list off "our" to do list.

I have just begun my IV of caffeinated Diet Coke before heading out to Sam's to purchase gallons of ranch dressing and bags of tossed salad by the ton.

By the time the evening is complete I will need a stiff drink. But, no time for that, not the whole weekend is there time for such pleasure. There will be nails to paint, hair to curl, more food to cook, dresses that need a nip and tuck, photos to capture, taxi freshmans to a dance........

Instead maybe my steam rolled body will need to be peeled up from the road.

Homecoming 2007.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Kitchen Nightmare

An episode of Kitchen Nightmare is taking place as type. D is baking some quick bread in the name of 10 extra credit points in her honors social studies class.

The recipe for nightmare goes as follows...
Drop egg on floor, check.
Dribble mashed pumpkin on floor, check.
Tip measuring cup filled with flour on counter, check.
Eliminate use of the Rachel Ray garbage bowl, check.
Add tablespoons of salt and baking soda instead of teaspoons, check.

I am getting more scared as watch this assignment unfold. This pumpkin bread may (no it certainly will) require a large glass of water for and during consumption.

I have done my best to "save" the quick bread--no matter how much cinnamon I pour in the batter the salt pops through. Let me rephrase that...pours through! I have been made aware it is not how it tastes but how it looks. Here's to looking good.

Tomorrow while eating D's pumpkin bread it's a toss up for her classmates--between playing Amazing Grace or Taps.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Big Smile...Say Cheese

While I mocked my children last night with the usual ritual of words--I don't know what to wear, I don't like your choices, what to do with my hair; all in honor, on the eve of school picture day. Not the kids. Mine.

That's right my friends, I got my school picture taken this afternoon. It was apparent by the look of the staff and student body that it was picture day. Everyone seemed a little more spit shined, hair coiffed, even saw a few lads with there collars "popped". My skirt was cuter than my black t-shirt, but when I suggested a full length photo the pho-tog-rapher snared at me. Even when I twinkled my toes painted in "The Deepest of Violets" polish--there bit of a goth-edge appearance might have scared her, not sure.

For Christmas this year you all are getting an 8x10 glossy of me--framed.

Tell your children I'll have plenty wallets for a swap.

Monday, September 24, 2007

My Kleenex Mom Moment

I have been known to write teachers notes thanking for touching my child's life and guiding them to grow in knowledge. I often find myself doing this in middle and high school since--unlike elementary school were most shower that level of teachers with holiday and end of the year mementos to show appreciation; the higher level teachers seem forgotten.

Never in my life have I ever dreamed I would open my email and find a note from a teacher thanking me for my child's efforts. It was a total Kleenex moment for this mom. As King Ralph is having a busier and more difficult night shift as Sgt. Sausage Fingers--when I read him the email it made his night... let's say a little brighter.

So if you don't mind, I think my four hours of labor pains bringing M into this world earned me this bragging right......

Hey Folks,

I wish you could have seen your daughter today! She has volunteered her time to help teach the 8th grade potential colorguard girls at Sperreng. Today, she commanded the majority of the group and had them looking pretty great by the end of our time together. As her teacher watching her teach, it was an AMAZING moment.

She has something that many people don't possess at her age; the ability to instill desire. Every 8th grade girl was looking up to her in astonishment. Not at how she spun the flag, but how effective she was as a teacher, and how easy she made everything seem. I know this skill comes from her hard work to be successful at high school, AND everything you guys do at home to insure that she "grows up right."

I just had to share this moment with you, because it was a proud moment. I really enjoy knowing all of the Avery girls, and I appreciate you as parents making the world a better place through your children!!!

J. Hutson

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Hat Day

In case you bump into me on a Saturday...every Saturday, now that I am a working girl and have to look presentable Monday through Friday, is hat day...or maybe ponytail day. No hat day.

Tomorrow I will be sporting the usual LHS Spirit of STL Marching Band hat. It's competition day.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Money and Mane

I had a moment today...

I was paying some bills on line, I quickly scanned my eyes up and down the ledger--what is that from the school district, you can't charge with the district,naaaa....hmmmmm.....what did I write a check for that amount...then it dawned on me, son-of-a-gun, it's my first paycheck--automatic deposit. It just took me off guard. Can you see me smile? I just made a financial contribution to our little castle for the first time since...well since a pig last flew.

Then there was this....

The blow dryer has been on the fritz for a while. I loathe buying things like blow dryers and curling irons (which both went kaput this week)...I'd rather have a new shirt or a home decorating accessory--a blow dryer just lacks that rush of great purchase. But, but today when I switched on the new blow dryer it may have sparked a little joy in me. For the last month I have been starting the dryer like someone would start there 1976 Pinto that is rusting in the garage, slowly warning it up. I was waiting for the dryer to catch fire and torch my hair till I was nearly bald before I purchased the replacement. King Ralph on the other hand prefers to keep the house (and my hair) in tact--so he purchased the replacement (now that's love). Maybe he still had visions of the time my previous hair dryer crapped out, I was on the way to a wedding and asked him to help me blow dry my hair with the leaf blower. I would start out with the old dryer on the cool setting with it's slow hum and ever slight breeze (really I could blow 40 candles on a cake with more wind than that the dryer gave out) and work it till it was blowing good, then pump it up to warm, turning it off at times when the scent of burnt rubber started to fill the air. Today...oh baby, today I turned that new dryer on and it went like a 2007 Corvette on the open road. My hair was blowing in the wind like a super model at a photo shot.

How 'bout this...

I am pleased to also announce I have managed to stay in the staff Survivor pool. They must like me right, they asked me to play there game and only 16 can play? Then again maybe they just like my money? Well either way I am one week closer to the pot of green.

So I have money in the bank and good hair. Good day I say!

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Corny Mom Says Corny Prayer

I know I said the corniest of prayers ever. I was so nervous for M to preform her color guard routine at competition I actually prayed for two days to God that she not drop a single guard implement on the field during competition this afternoon--and she didn't. Prayer heard. Amen!

Get this, the color guard won best auxiliary in there division and best color guard out of all three divisions. M needed this esteem booster.

Princess A isn't quite as happy since the marching band as a whole won second place in the division. Hard to swallow after being grand champs last year. Oh well tis' good to share.

Back to color guard... M's performance costume is less than attractive, she refers to it as her space can be the judge for yourself. M's opinion of it--uhg!, no more like UHG-LEE!

*I was going to post a better shot I took but, the girl in front of M has a wicked camel's ain't a pretty sight.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Friday's Sweetest Things

Listening to my dear friend's 2 year son say "I wuv woo mommy"...because she never got to hear that phrase from her first child. Sweetness.

The little girl in my Kindergarten lunch group that cried on Thursday because her daddy forgot to pack her a cookie; giggled today that she forgot to mention to her daddy last night that he forgot her cookie. So adorably sweet.

Driving down the highway with all my girlies singing Dione Warwick's Say a Little Prayer for Me. Relished Mother-Daughter sweetness.

Shopping with my two high school girlie's for homecoming ensembles. Sweet is the price of the dresses purchased at Forever 21 and sweeter is the shoes to match on sale at Macy's. Double the sweet.

Pulling in the garage after a night at the mall, closing the garage door, sitting in the car listening to the radio to finish singing Spice Girl's Wannabe with Princess A and M-- all of us crazily knowing every word. Crazy sweetness.

King Ralph agreeing to pick up bobby pins for have no idea the direction and description it takes to get the King to understand what is a bobby pin (or in the case of the paniced phone call, hair pins) . Sweet daddy.

Biggest sweet of all...filling out a time sheet for the first time in nearly 18 years.

It really is always the small things in life that make the days--sweet!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Note to Myself

I need to remind myself-- as a Building Assistant I must...

1. Remember to wear my watch (shoot I mean find my watch).

2. Bring my own combination lock for my locker (I know it is such a hoot, I have a locker. I felt like a middle school girl starting 6th grade and having my first ever locker...every lock they gave me didn't work. I had to call the janitor to use his emergency key to free my purse from captivity).

3. Memorize the names of 868 elementary school children.

4. Next time a whole grade level applause me for being the new Building Assistant--curtsy instead of bow (my kids, who weren't anywhere near the school said I embarrassed them when I told them I bowed).

5. Don't spend a penny earned...Princess A applied to Loyola this week.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Green Light Means Go

I got the green light. I'll be starting work tomorrow (at the place in the photo). I hope they like me. It has been nearly 18 years since I have had to say, "I have to work tomorrow".

I'm excited and nervous.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Monday Morning Meditation

I think I need to meditate. Here's my list of contemplation.

The hardest part of mothering is hoping you say the right thing to your child. My quote for M this day is " You must be proud to be different. Your only shame is to have shame".

I think no matter how many e-notes the middle school principal sends out there will remain parents who will never understand the concept of the car pool lane and how to make to it flow a wee-bit faster. This is why I seldom drop off in the morning. (Praise be to the big yellow bus!)

Will this house ever truly possess enough feminine product? I think answer is never when one needs it.

Why did the dog have to chew--to the point of total destruction--MY shoe?

Is there such thing as getting enough sleep?

Why can't some company that produces sandwich bags package them in boxes of 10,000?

Why can the kids pack for a trip but never unpack?

Is it acceptable to go downtown for an FBI background check unshowered with a ball cap substituting for a hair-do? Because that is unquestionably the Monday plan.

Here is what I heard inside my head while I meditated... having determined it is easier to just have some powered sugar donettes and a diet coke than find answers to these questions.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Brit, can you really sing?

How can I sleep tonight without commenting on the VMA choice of Brittany Spears for the opening? I can't so I will comment.

Britney just got beat up in our living room.

One, she totally lip synced the whole song!
Two, her butt cheeks didn't fit her sparkly black ensemble...although there wasn't much to the ensemble, typical Brit T & A.
Three, she lacked any sign of emotion that evoked she was enjoying her little comeback--dead in the face.
Four, nice spray tan.
Five, her weave didn't match her roots.
Six, Gimme More...that's what the backup dancer said after he grabbed her breast.

Gimme More? No that was more than enough Gimme for this gal!

Then Sarah Silverman came out and totally, totally dissed I-have-gone-off-the-edge-Britney--ouch!

Weekend Review

I can offer no photo of Friday's standard high school marching band/football fun-- since, I had to run for my life from the metal football stands. Being a human lighting rod left little opportunity to snap photos of the band-sis-ta-s. I guess I could have snapped photos of King Ralph and I enjoying our rain out game fun at Clipper's with our friends--the cranberry and vodka was a relaxing touch to a busy week--but I didn't.

Saturday we began phase one of our final stint as parents of a confirmation student--D's turn. We played enough "get-to-know-you" games that if you don't know me (us) now you never will or don't care too. I can't not mention how King Ralph had to leave camp early to do his midnight duty as Sergeant Sausage Fingers; leaving camp with MY car keys in his pocket (which I never gave to him but D did) leaving me to send someone under the car in the pouring rain to retrieve my hide-a-key. (Thank you Steve!) I am also happy to report that in all the years I have slept at Camp Wartburg there were no, I will repeat, NO snoring women to disrupt the small amount of sleep I had. You have no idea how fabulous that was!

Can't have a weekend at Camp Wartburg without playing the hat game!

...another year of hat game causes M to lose her mind and go totally c-r-a-z-y!

Sunday Princess A had the opportunity to fulfill a dream she never knew she had--back up singer for a Christian rock band, of course she had company in the experience. Oh wait, come to think of it she wasn't just a back up singer, the high school kids actually wrote a verse and sang it. The only reason I have any idea what they sang is I was monitoring the writing session...I think it went something like this "when you're chilling in your Ford believe in the Lord, our God is an awesome God". (So what do you do if your vehicle is a Toyota or a Dodge? What rhythms?)

You rock time though, don't think the microphone can do all the work-- raise those voices!

...and since this weekend really was all about D here she is adding color to the rocking outdoor worship service with her yellow banner

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Buffing my Briefcase

I chose Tommy Girl. I must have had the right scent.

It's a tie for my favorite interview question:

Do you like Mexican food? To which I nicely replied yes I like Mexican, very much (what I really wanted to reply with was, hell ya but mostly with a margarita)

Do you you like to sing? To which I replied yes I can to sing I sing all the time, it doesn't sound so good but I like to sing (what I really wanted to do was break out in my rendition of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody completed with a little air guitar action).

Now I won't exactly be buffing my briefcase, I won't need one but, I got offered the job--I accepted.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Chipping off the Rust

Okay I don't want to say much--afraid I may jinx myself. So all I am going to say is, I hopefully chipped all the rust away. The only thing more I will say is when she called last night she said, "so they can sniff you out" and I replied, "well then I will wear perfume".

Question. Which perfume-- Tommy Girl or Shi?

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Happy Birthday Doghter

Today just happens to be my doghter's birthday...Happy First Birthday Uli. Since I have a hidden talent-- I'm part Keeper of the House and part Dr. Doolittle, I had this conversation with Uli.

ME: Uli you know it's your birthday what would you like...a dog bone, maybe a new leash?

ULI: I was thinking something more practical like an full ovarian and uterine extraction and a micro chip implanted under my skin.

ME: Oh Uli I knew you were the doghter for me, you think practical in terms of gifts. The sisters would have asked for things like Jimmy Choo shoes or a Kate Spade bag. You don't think it will make me appear a little like a Dr. Kevorkian?

ULI: No, no not at all. But, you know I don't want my gift to be that easy. I would like you to take me to the Humane Society where the vet students come once a month to do a few pracitce hysterectomies for a discounted rate... which means you will have to engage in rush hour traffic, say at 630am. Remember I won't be able to eat in the morning so be sure to have the sisters leave an apple granola bar in the back seat to tempt me while freaking you out as you try to merge from one highway to the other. Of course when we get the Humane Society I will be sure they have a one eyed black cat perched at the front desk--I know how you love a good cat.

ME: Aaaaaaachoo! How about this...since it's your birthday I will ask them for a few pain killers so you can experience a physcodelic trip post surgery...say for at least a few days. I'll play some Doors tunes, maybe rent the movie Pink Floyd's The Wall to enhance your doggie drug tripping experience.

ULI: You're the best!

ME: So I've heard.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Firsts & Lasts

It was a Friday night of firsts and lasts...

First football game of the season. First half time show of the season. First time the sister's hit the field in performance together. It was the last first game for Princess A and, the first first game for M. Then it started to get silly with the seniors--how's that last first after half time soda was your last first performance of your LHS marching career and so on....

Then there was first photo of the band sisters for the season but, surely not my last.